.Thursday, May 20, 2010 ' 5:15 AM Y
A QUICK THOUGHT.http://365thoughts.tumblr.com/Truth: I’m scared. I’m terrified to get too close to you because I don’t want to get my heart broken. I’m afraid that if we take this further I’m just going to get hurt and to be honest, I don’t think I could take that.And then there’s that girl; the one that’s always confused, the one that’s never good enough, the one who’s been through so much, but she’s still trying her hardest to be happy.A part of me wants an answer, but a part of me doesn’t want to know. A part of me wants to keep holding on, but a part of me wants to let you go.If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain.Haha, I’m so stupid. I fell for you, knowing for a fact you wouldn’t catch me. Damn, that fall sure did hurt.Often, you have to let people go. Everyone who’s in your life are meant to be in your journey, but not all of them are meant to stay there.To be honest, I’m so confused. I don’t know what I want in life, I don’t even know what I want right now. All I know is that I’m hurting so much inside that it’s eating me, and one day, there won’t be anymore of me left.I
feel like such an idiot searching for you in the school campus. And when I finally see you, I turn the other way.I don’t know why I care so much, when I shouldn’t even care at all.All I really want is someone that’s gonna keep their promises, listen to me babbling or enjoy a comfortable silence with, someone to call when I get scared, someone to laugh at my mistakes, and someone to grab me when I walk away. Is that too much to ask for?I hope it’s true when they say that for the amount of pain you suffer, will be the equal amount of happiness in return. ‘Cause damn… I’d be the happiest person on the planet for that moment.You can always tell how much you love someone by how much they can hurt you.Doesn’t it seem like when you’re lonely, the rest of the world is in love with another human?I’m on the verge of of breaking down. The strength I have to hold myself together is slowly fading away. I just need somebody, somebody to lean on. I feel so alone and I hate it. Save me, please.
He’s the king of mixed signals and I’m the queen of second thoughts.She might look happy on the outside, but deep down, she just wants to drop down on her knees and cry all the tears she can possibly pour out.She says she’s okay, but she’s going insane. She says she feels good, but she’s going through a lot of pain. She says its nothing, but it’s really everything. She says she’s fine, but she’s really not.It’s hard to hold a lot in. But for me, it’s sometimes even harder to let it all out.I don’t know what’s right. I don’t know what’s wrong. All I know, is the pain that comes from waiting for you so long.Every girl needs that special someone to help her laugh, when she think she’ll never smile again.I just want you to know that I’ve been fighting to let you go. Some days I make it through, then there are nights that never end.I’m not the prettiest girl in the world, nor the brightest crayon in the box. But I’m real. Isn’t that enough for natural beauty?I’ve built a wall. Not to block anyone out, but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.
Beneath the smiles, laughs, and the mask, I’m just a girl who wishes for the world.Each night, I put my head to my pillow. I try to tell myself that I’m strong, because I’ve gone one more day without you.The worst part is we didn’t even have to be together for you to shatter my heart.I’m standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more I can take of you.Just so you know, I tried my best to let go of you… but I failed.Smile.
Let everyone know that today you’re a lot stronger than you were yesterday.I guess I just got hurt. Really hurt. And sometimes when that happens, something inside me just shuts off.When I pretend what happened didn’t hurt, is when it hurts the most.I told myself that I was over you, but when I looked into those gorgeous eyes of yours today, I couldn’t help but wish you were mine.Waiting here for you to sign on; that little box with your name appearing in the corner of my screen. Minutes pass, maybe even hours. Sure I’ll see you tomorrow, but if I talk to you before I go to bed, I sleep so much better.I may be young, but I’m not naive. I haven’t been through much, but I do know what “hurt” feels like.Everytime I want to give up on him, there’s always something inside telling me to just give it time.My mind keeps telling myself that you’re going to break my heart. But my heart is saying you’re worth the pain.I’d rather in live in my dreams since you’re in there. When in my reality, you’re nowhere to be found.There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don’t want to know, but have to learn. And people we don’t want to lose, but have to let go.Sometimes I pretend that I don’t care. But really, I care more than anyone else ever will.Behind my smile, is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you’ll see a damaged girl hidden behind the most ridiculous disguise.Knowing a person is like music. What attracts us to them is their melody, and as we get to know who they are, we learn their lyrics.“I’m okay,” I type back to them. And the tears fall, silently done my cheeks.And just for a second there, I thought you maybe actually cared.I’m not afraid of heights; I’m afraid of falling. I’m not afraid of the dark; I’m afraid of what dwells there. I’m not afraid of loving, I’m afraid of not being loved back and getting hurt in the end.Sometimes you have to run away so you can see who will run after you. Sometimes you have to talk quieter, just to see who’s actually listening. Sometimes you have to take a step back, just to see who’s still standing by your side. Sometimes you have to make a wrong decision, just to see who’s there when it all falls down. Sometimes you have to let go of the one you love, just to see if they love you enough to come back.I never knew how much I cared about you, I never knew my feelings were so deep, I never knew you could cause so much pain, I never thought I would lose so much sleep, I never thought it’d be this way, I never thought It’d come to an end, I never thought we’d be apart, and it hurts because now were not even friends.Here’s to you; hoping that someday, you’ll realize that I really did care.There’s that occasional night where I just break down and cry ‘cause I know that no matter what, things will never be the same.Why is it so hard to let go of someone that you never even had a chance with?Tell me I’m not making a mistake. Tell me that you’re worth the wait, that you’re always going to be here. Make me believe that I’m making the right decision by still holding on. Show me that you’re going to be around to catch me when I fall. Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone truly special to catch your heart.Go ahead, leave me like you always do. I’m ready this time.Stop throwing mixed signals at me. I don’t like the confusion that it brings. I’d rather have the honest truth even if it hurts, because then I won’t be wasting my time depending on false hope to keep me hanging on.Just like every other night, I looked up at the stars & wasted another wish on you.i sit and laugh with my friends since I’m havin’ fun, but I still catch my breath when someone mentions you.Behind all my smiles and laughs, there’s a story you’ll never understand.Finally, I’m satisfied once again. Since everything is back to normal.my thoughts,somehow is all found in this web.
