.Saturday, December 11, 2010 ' 3:14 AM Y
DAY 11-3actually the counting down previously was like abit wrong, changed it into this format instead. i cant believe that songs can change my mood this fast. i was listening to Just A Dream and allowed my second thoughts to run all over my mind. the next minute when my ipod change song to King Of Anything, i was a'lil happier and start to count cars that pass by.the rhythm of a song is really impt to me, it can literally change my mood like how you flip a page. fast uh? thats me. i'm still not that hopeless, i'm just afraid that my mood will never change even i'm listening to Teenage Dream.
POA is a tricky bitch today, not many ppl could balance it, including me. sigh. i'm a failure, one foolish failure. i always told myself not to expect something in return in order not to get the feeling of disappointed. but i expected that the paper will be do-able, i expect myself to solve all problems, i expect myself to balance those income statements. & in the end? i screwed up. screwed everything upside down. Lesson learnt; NEVER EVER have any expectations, you'll NEVER EVER feel disappointed, get it eunice?
yesterday at gina's house, i was the only one sitting at the table because i know i would not be able to concentrate. but i end up thinking about us. i'm thinking..just you. you seems like a dark hole, i want to come out but i cant. i want to stop falling but i'm getting deeper.i dont want you to be the one that i'm gonna fall hard for,i dont want you to be the one i will place the first priority, take it as i'm just covering up my feelings for you with some sand bags. dont ask why. Nothing change actually, i shouldnt put myself in a situation like the world's gonna end.i should just stop procrastinate and continue to be that follish little innocent girl that put herself above others. but i realized i cant do it anymore. i'm always alone. from young till now. and forever will be. i built walls around me to find out who is able to climb over and touch my heart. however, everytime i fall, the walls will be higher,level by level.i barely breathe thru this heart-wall, i cant see the world outside. i know there is ppl outside are more pathetic than me, but how are we suppose to help them? no one knows. i shouldnt have do that, it's a mistake. A BIG MISTAKE. i'm a dumbass.a dumbass that trying to salvage the situation & yet i made it worst. seriously, take my life now.
hey, this is life. you can complain, but nothing will change for you.{edited}
