.Tuesday, December 07, 2010 ' 4:01 AM Y
NO EXPECTATIONS.hello world.gonna spend a little time in this
little space. i realised that i always come back here whenever i'm
thankful, sad or very emo. so this post is kinda
predictable as i'm having a hectic week, or maybe this 2 weeks.
assignments, presentations, exams and the worst thing is, unreasonable teacher. since school reopen, that was the first time i felt
sooooo angry towards a teacher and tend to be disrespectful to him. i wont apologise as it wasnt our fault, stop asking us to carry that stupid responsibilities and push the blame to us. did you even help us to salvage the situation? if not then just shut up. i wish you could just disappear.
anyway, i've been sitting long bus ride home and think alot on the bus. i've decided to just be friends. being friends means that i should
stop expecting and there will be no more disappointments. he taught me lots of stuffs & i think the most important thing that he taught me is the patient of waiting. we shared lots of stories. i dont know why but i just feel like telling him everything that happen on that particular day. this month is kinda happening only, lots of things happened. tumblr taught me that
No expectations, no disappointments. make your everyday a surprising day. after some period of time, i realised that i've been expecting something out of him. i should pull out all feelings before it starts to plant any love seeds in my heart. there was a few times that i really felt very different. what he did to me is also quite sweet.
i really felt different. but i dont want to get into a relationship because i'm lonely or jealous,
i want to get in love because i love him. & the feelings is just so uncertain. i dont even know what am i thinking, dont mention anyone out there. i stop expecting, 'cause i dont like the disappointed feeling. a few days ago, i read through our texts and found myself smiling to the phone, as out convo is really funny. since i've to stop expecting, think i should just delete those texts and avoid myself from getting too close to you. we are left a few months in the same class, this was also one of the reasons i should stop falling into this bottomless pit. yea you're a bottomless pit, i felt different when i'm with you. you look different everytime i see you. not that you wear different clothings everyday, but its just that feeling there. & if i never see wrongly, i think you went to cut your hair right? i dont want to make myself think so much as i really dont know what you're thinking.
your mixed signals and my second thoughts. i dont want to feel extraordinary,
feeling like i'm flying in heaven for this minute, but dropped into hell for the next minute. maybe its just my insecurities. of course, we're still best friends. i'll keep everything from you, everything. though i know that you wont be able to visit this site, but i just feel like spilling all out, then i could concentrate on my studies. you told me about your future plans & what you intended to do, i'm kinda glad that you know your way to future. i hope this special relationship between us would last long.
this would be a secret between me & me. everytime you tell me when you're unhappy or you hate your life, i would be there telling you positive things & when i'm unhappy, you would be there teasing me to laugh. i still rmb once you said before, if i'm angry and walked away, you would hold me back and make me happy again,though i know this wont be happening..please be happy, at least for now. maybe a few months later i would be able to let you go and stop caring about you. but for now, please show me that you're happy so i can be happy too. smile more, hang out more with your friends and just love life. somehow i know you can do it, without me. i'll try doing that without you. i hate this feeling, but there is always one part of me hoping you're beside me when i'm doing a particular thing, like when i'm walking around some shopping mall and saw something that suits you, i wound want to call you and tell you about it, but you aint mine, its useless telling you. when i'm eating, i would be thinking how you're telling me that how many calories are there in this bowl of food. when i'm on the train, i rmb how we chatted from one end to another end of singapore. thankyou for all those memories. i wont forget that. i wont regret knowing you, as you're one of the people that able to make me laugh and smile like nobody business after school starts.
thanks for standing beside me whenever bad things happened. & hey, i miss you so. but, goodbye.From tumblr:-Note to self: I can talk to him all I want, text him day & night, get to know him better, be closer to him BUT don’t fall in love with him UNLESS he really likes me.-Everytime I find the key to happiness, someone changes the lock.-dear heart, so there's this guy you want me to like but i dont want to, so can you stop beating so fast when he comes by.-sometimes,the best way to stay close to someone you love is by being just a friend.-i'm always searching for something better.-Some relationships are like Tom & Jerry. They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.-EXPECTATIONS IS THE ROOT OF ALL HEADACHES.
