.Saturday, February 05, 2011 ' 5:26 AM Y
Be mentally-prepared.stop chasing him. if he wants you, he'll chase you.
CHU 3, saturday. i've been waking up early in the morning for this year's CNY, but of course, better than normal school days. went to the temple to pray for a while & then went to meet ben for lunch with parents. went back home & slacked till 3plus then go to cheryl's house. went there & literaly did... nothing. i watched shows with jazreel's macbook till about 5plus then we went to t3 for dinner. walked around to 8plus & came home. abit sian uh today. tmr.. continue visiting & stuffs. monday i've got 2 presentation & a skit to perform, sad to be me. this CNY isnt a happy cny for me, morning... yea it is. but at night when i'm alone chiong-ing all those assignments, it really pissed me off. & i've been thinking... like,
if everything worked out & all my wishes came true.. i picture myself saying all the things i cant & doing things i've always wanted to do. i think about how different would things be. but at the end of the day, the conclusion would be
nothing.
i'm just alone inside. i'm always telling myself that,
if it is meant to be, it will happen no matter what. but it's the process that is torturing.
dont try to guess what i'm thinking, because even me myself dont know what i'm thinking & what exactly i want. actually despite saying that "who needs a boyf if i'm a happy single lady?" , deep in my heart i know that's not the case for me. seriously, seeing so many sweet couples preparing for valentines' day.. makes me feel alone. cheryl just asked,
"how are you gonna celebrate your v'day this year?" everyone have plans, except me. yknow what's my answer? "
*smile* i have no plans, most prolly staying at home & slack." to say blantly, it's just another day for me, but it's the
loneliest day ever. i might sound despo here, so dont mind, this is the only place where i can rant. to think back again, what i did to deserve 2 times of bad experience in such stuffs? although pei pei have already talked me out, but there is a corner of my heart is just afraid. i'm really scared & yet i want to try. talking to guys now is a chore for me, because i have to figure out what are they really thinking,which is really tiring. forget it, it's not that i have anyone in mind, i'm just ranting. it's not like i have somebody to commit.
as i said, i must guard my heart & build higher walls, to protect myself from everybody. i dont deserve to get this shitty stuffs again & i cant afford to have another heartache, really. you didnt change, you just merely showing your true colours. are you the one who have lost interested or is it... me? am i oversensitive or is that really happening? i thought we will go well. forget it, go ahead & leave me then, it's not like i've never experienced before. in fact, sad to say, i've got used to ppl leaving me. i'll be alright, just leave if you want to.
