.Monday, February 07, 2011 ' 6:15 AM Y
TIRED;TRIED.When a girl is silent, that’s pretty dangerous. She’s either overthinking, tired of waiting, about to blow, lonely, needs a hug, falling apart or crying inside. and most probably all of those above.what a monday. it was supposed to be a happy monday, but because of one thing, totally spoil this happy mood.
since the year started, there will always be ONE thing, that one thing that would spoil the whole day. ALWAYS. the year has barely started, & i hope that december would faster come so that i can go overseas & chill.
tonight, is one of the night that even chocolates cant cheer me up. tonight is one of the night when all feelings rushes into my mind & occupied it, which made me totally stop doing anything but watching tv, tumblr-ing, twitter-ing & blogging. i had grp presentation today, personally i think we did quite well, we follow the format & we acted out very well, coz the whole class was laughing at our skit, which was a success. but yknow what? the tutor, commented on everybody's presentations except for ours. she totally ignored our existence. everyone walked out the class happily, saying how the tutor commented about them, but us? we walked out quietly. today was the first time i told steph that,
"hey i dont feel like talking, let's listen to songs & just go home k." she had the same feeling as me so we were listening to songs from school to bus stop. at there we met justina, so bo bian, have to entertain. otw home, i was really very tired, like mentally & physically. went home, parents asked me to go out for dinner -.- what can i say? "orh okay wait uh", tied my hair & went out. came back & i totally crashed at my sofa. but luckily i watched the channel 8 shows tonight, it made me happy,
at least for a while.. georgy told something that totally blown my mind. she was like,
"eh yknow uh when we presenting right, he wasnt even listening or looking, but when you are presenting, he totally paid attention to you leh!" actually i saw, because when i'm presenting, he's just in front of the tutor, so when i'm looking at the tutor, i'm also looking at him. & ya... what she said was... true. & when he's presenting, i tried hard not to look at him. but when i look, freak, we had eye contact. & not only once, but
a few times. i've been avoiding to have eye contact with him, not because i still like him, but because i'm afraid that i will rmb what he told me. & these few eye contacts have already proved that looking at him will
really remind me of what he used to do. i need to change class asap.to guys outside:he makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world. he tells you all these lies and you fall for it. after he gets what he wants he leaves. he doesn’t care, he never did. now the next guy that comes along who actually does mean everything he says, gets pushed away because she’s scared. scared of being hurt again.. but he doesn’t care. he keeps trying to win her heart, trying to show her he’s different. he’s the perfect guy for her but she’s too scared to open herself up again. see guys? you think that you can break a girls heart and she’ll be fine. it doesn’t work like that. stop playing girls like they’re just toys, cause they ain’t.PS:Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. but you know what I hate? I hate it when I get too attached to someone, when I get too used to them being a part of my daily routine, used to texting them throughout the day, phone with them at night & see them often & then when something happens & it ends, It’s hard ‘cause now I gotta re-adjust to not talking & seeing them, anymore & I gotta start the same cycle over with someone else. who's that someone else? i dont know, because i really cannot afford to let myself fall & get hurt again, there is no one out there who's willing to catch me. what for lowering myself? might as well build more castles & walls around, perhaps i will feel more secured.
