.Wednesday, August 17, 2011 ' 10:51 PM Y
Rant
so what's going on?
i dont know what's going on actually. my life now is actually just wake up, eat, study, study, rest awhile, study again & back to sleep. how times i have to go thru such hard times before i graduate & go to the real world and work. i've ask my mom to pass down her skills to me. i would rather do that job, seriously. im like the most relaxing person now, i dont have the sense of urgency (yet), i still have 2 days to my first paper, but i feel that my next paper is 2 years later. someone need to slap me. yes this post is about ranting. ranting all those things that i would rather keep it to myself. the reason why am i back to this place is, i know no one is looking anymore. so, this place is only for me, which im fine with it. in fact, its the best. i looked back to the previous post, & there's a sentence in my mind "why am i so dumb?" firstly, he's not hot, he's just (averagely) cute. not exactly cute actually. buttercup told me before that the person's personality will be shown on the face if that personality is very strong. to see his face now, i really feel like punching him. to think i like him before. many asked me not to like him, but i dont care, & went it my way. finally, i got hurt. i admit the feelings i gave in was true. but now, yes i never doubt that my feelings are true. what i meant was, im scared of my own feelings. i can change this fast. but then again, it's what he did, made me like this. of course, i still hold on to some hope that not all guys are like that. i still hope that there is a guy that would do anything just to do with me. the problem is, where is he? is he thinking the same thing as me? i need him now. (ha im talking as if i've already met him) okay anyway, this doesnt matter, i dont wanna think too much too. the most impt thing is my studies, my parents and my frens. if they're happy, im happy. (i hope this mentally would last) oh back to ranting. he did lots of stuffs for me before, after deep thinking, i realized that whatever he did, is just to make me fall for him. what a bitch. after so many stories i've heard... i really need to control myself when i see him. becoz im afraid that i would go up to him and slap him. blessing in disguise, so many ppl hate him. they are at my side (although not all know my story) im not gonna do anything that would spoil his reputation, but if there is any plan that would pull him down, i will be there, watching. i said before, i would tell him not to follow the group if he replied my text. but after thinking, why should i? he replied my text is because he wanna join the guys for my party, not replying because he still wanna be frens with me. i wont even be bothered with him. im glad that ive let go. the feeling is not there anymore. i doubt this is love. oh well, this make me a lonely girl again. i feel the "like", not the "love". it's okay, im not wanting it anyway. im trying to be contented with my life. compare for what? pointless isnt? imagine if i meet him in school, what would i do? say hi? or just ignore? i think ignore sounds better. if he text me? of course dont reply lah. reply for what? as i said, it's pointless. i officially end my friendship with him. i dont want to be related with him anymore. not because he doesnt reciprocate my love. yes i felt sad for him coz others are ostracizing him, but then again, he brought everything to himself. and whatever he did, i wouldnt accept a fren like that. using ppl? talking to so many girls & making each and everyone of them to fall for him? talking to ppl only when he feels like & when he needs their help? taking advantage of ppl when the other party doesnt know at all? no, i despise such ppl. i wouldnt even wanna talk to such ppl, makes me feel so cheap omg. no more, really, friends-no-more. i know myself, if i end one friendship, it's kinda hard for me to trust them again. although we were close, but then, i will only say hi ( at most) i wouldnt even talk any in-depth topics. why, why eunice? why would you like him? this guy shows that you dont fall for looks (which is quite good) but, you fall for his words? please, next time open your eyes bigger, you need a guy that could give you a sense of security, height is damn impt. you're short, doesnt mean the person you're finding have to be short too. looks also, you need somebody compatible lah come on. he is really cannot. those korean guys suits you more.but please, dont find somebody skinnier than you. i think i need to emigrate already haha. after 3 failed r/s, i kinda learnt that, if a guy likes you, he wuld do anything for you, just to be with you. so what am i gonna do? just wait, and be myself. ^^
