eunice!!!

2011-08-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

Rant

so what's going on?

i dont know what's going on actually. my life now is actually just wake up, eat, study, study, rest awhile, study again & back to sleep. how times i have to go thru such hard times before i graduate & go to the real world and work. i've ask my mom to pass down her skills to me. i would rather do that job, seriously. im like the most relaxing person now, i dont have the sense of urgency (yet), i still have 2 days to my first paper, but i feel that my next paper is 2 years later. someone need to slap me. yes this post is about ranting. ranting all those things that i would rather keep it to myself. the reason why am i back to this place is, i know no one is looking anymore. so, this place is only for me, which im fine with it. in fact, its the best. i looked back to the previous post, & there's a sentence in my mind "why am i so dumb?" firstly, he's not hot, he's just (averagely) cute. not exactly cute actually. buttercup told me before that the person's personality will be shown on the face if that personality is very strong. to see his face now, i really feel like punching him. to think i like him before. many asked me not to like him, but i dont care, & went it my way. finally, i got hurt. i admit the feelings i gave in was true. but now, yes i never doubt that my feelings are true. what i meant was, im scared of my own feelings. i can change this fast. but then again, it's what he did, made me like this. of course, i still hold on to some hope that not all guys are like that. i still hope that there is a guy that would do anything just to do with me. the problem is, where is he? is he thinking the same thing as me? i need him now. (ha im talking as if i've already met him) okay anyway, this doesnt matter, i dont wanna think too much too. the most impt thing is my studies, my parents and my frens. if they're happy, im happy. (i hope this mentally would last) oh back to ranting. he did lots of stuffs for me before, after deep thinking, i realized that whatever he did, is just to make me fall for him. what a bitch. after so many stories i've heard... i really need to control myself when i see him. becoz im afraid that i would go up to him and slap him. blessing in disguise, so many ppl hate him. they are at my side (although not all know my story) im not gonna do anything that would spoil his reputation, but if there is any plan that would pull him down, i will be there, watching. i said before, i would tell him not to follow the group if he replied my text. but after thinking, why should i? he replied my text is because he wanna join the guys for my party, not replying because he still wanna be frens with me. i wont even be bothered with him. im glad that ive let go. the feeling is not there anymore. i doubt this is love. oh well, this make me a lonely girl again. i feel the "like", not the "love". it's okay, im not wanting it anyway. im trying to be contented with my life. compare for what? pointless isnt? imagine if i meet him in school, what would i do? say hi? or just ignore? i think ignore sounds better. if he text me? of course dont reply lah. reply for what? as i said, it's pointless. i officially end my friendship with him. i dont want to be related with him anymore. not because he doesnt reciprocate my love. yes i felt sad for him coz others are ostracizing him, but then again, he brought everything to himself. and whatever he did, i wouldnt accept a fren like that. using ppl? talking to so many girls & making each and everyone of them to fall for him? talking to ppl only when he feels like & when he needs their help? taking advantage of ppl when the other party doesnt know at all? no, i despise such ppl. i wouldnt even wanna talk to such ppl, makes me feel so cheap omg. no more, really, friends-no-more. i know myself, if i end one friendship, it's kinda hard for me to trust them again. although we were close, but then, i will only say hi ( at most) i wouldnt even talk any in-depth topics. why, why eunice? why would you like him? this guy shows that you dont fall for looks (which is quite good) but, you fall for his words? please, next time open your eyes bigger, you need a guy that could give you a sense of security, height is damn impt. you're short, doesnt mean the person you're finding have to be short too. looks also, you need somebody compatible lah come on. he is really cannot. those korean guys suits you more.but please, dont find somebody skinnier than you. i think i need to emigrate already haha. after 3 failed r/s, i kinda learnt that, if a guy likes you, he wuld do anything for you, just to be with you. so what am i gonna do? just wait, and be myself. ^^

2011-08-16T05:18:00.000-07:00

Heartstrings

I don't know what should I feel.

hi, im back to this little place. i guess no one will be looking, which is actually good. i dont want to be emo on twitter as i have to explain what's going on with my life. 90% of them are curious, 5% wants to know what's wrong with my life and laugh behind my back, only the last 5% are truly concerned. but, how am i supposed to judge who are in the 5%? i dont know. my life's a drama. the person i like, became the person that annoyed me the most. the person i thought that wont hurt me, hurt me the most. the person that i knew the longest, backstabbed me. ha, what type of life am i leading? i hardly post any essay on tumblr, coz i know people are looking. what for let them know what's wrong with my life & why am i like that? i'm officially 18, i've learnt that some things dont have let the whole world know, just keep it to yourself. im not gonna let ppl know the stuffs of my life, rather be a mysterious girl and lead a normal life. yet again, what's normal? to look back, i've trusted & fell for the wrong guy. isit a blessing in disguise? all these realization made me know him better, & let me know that he's not a good guy. i should thank God actually, for letting me what kind of person he is. luckily i let go of him. but haha, i was sad for him for quite a long period of time, which is quite stupid. i decided to unfriend him. he's out of my life, cant be bothered with what he did, because they disgusted me. & the friend that i knew the longest in the group, haha. how i know that she's like that? in fairytales, bad guys always would have this bad aura around them, you could easily see through their intentions & mind. but in real life? bad guys always have the best smile, which make you fall into their trap. so, teach me how to trust? or perhaps, teach me how to spot for bad guys? oh well, everyone is busy with their lives, how isit possible for them to save me from all this shit that im facing. i think im a good actress, everyone seems to believe that i'm really happy everyday. im not saying that im not happy. the best way to cheer myself up is to cheer somebody up. when i cheer somebody up & managed to make them smile, i found myself smiling. you may say this is a numbing process, i start to believe that im happy. the 2 ppgs are actually more happy than me. one is attached, one have suitors. but somehow they are more sad than me. why? they are not contented. making them smile is somehow my job everyday. i have to say it can be quite tiring sometimes. because when im down, i still have to do my job and make them smile. i dont know what am i doing with my life. im trying to be contented with my life. i need to be. i cannot let ppl pull me down. i cannot let anyone ruin my life. no more. how am i supposed to do that? easy, guard my own heart. simple yet difficult to do so. 18 is a age to party. so im just gonna party thru my year. what's love? i dont know. i have trusting issues . in fact i have lots of issues. and all such issues, i have to solve it myself. no one will be there for me. "nobody will care even you're feeling miserable, so might as well hide all those emotions & be happy." so many things have taught me not to trust easily. those who are in my life, how long are you gonna stay? tell me when you're leaving, give me some time to get use to it. actually im used to it. sad to say, what's new? friends backstabbed, betrayed by the person you like/love, what else? my life is a drama, & in the end of the day, i only have myself. i only can depend on myself. every life lesson taught me not to trust, they taught me that i can only trust myself. i will only trust myself, love myself, put myself in the first place of everything, do things that is in the best of my own interests, think of myself. why should i let someone ruin everything i have? why should i share my love and trust and faith? i'm just gonna be the "bitch" or "slut" ppl's saying. be a player? perhaps. im a changed person, no point calling me to turn back. no one would understand how i feel. for this 18 years, i have countless of dramas, i have countless of incidents to kill myself. who knows? you can relate, but not understand. "you rather feel some pain than nothing?" bullshit. "good things come to those who wait." rubbish. "you'll meet your true love soon" whatever. not gonna hope for all this things. for what? to make myself disappointed? i also want someone to be with me when im down. i also want someone to sweettalk me just to make me smile. i also want someone to always be there for me like what im doing. but, forget it. the person im waiting, is gonna be myself. i will comfort myself and give a pat on the shoulder when im sad. i will smile to the mirror so i can make myself smile. i will always be there for myself when i need to make any decisions. done. be strong, be firm. i can do it.

2011-04-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

Perfect Combo.

It’s hard to sleep when deep down you’re hurting and nobody has a clue.

You know it’s hard to sleep because you’re up thinking about what could’ve happened, what would’ve happened, and why things didn’t happen. You know it’s hard to sleep when your heart aches so bad that you’re willing to love that person through all the trouble and pain whether they’re aware of what you’re going through or not. And most of all, you know it’s hard to sleep because you’re wondering just when you’ll be okay again.

2011-04-09T06:05:00.000-07:00

Tonight I over analyze everything. And it rips me apart more and more everyday. last week of holidays already! omg a blink of an eye, & 6 weeks have passed. to think back now, i've been spending all the time with my second family(u4f8) shopping, tea-time, chalet, baking, lunch & crapping. & the best thing is we totally enjoyed ourselves. i love such feelings, really. school's gonna reopen in a week time & i know that i wouldnt be able to meet them as frequent, but... we have facebook,twitter,viber & whatsoever stuffs to keep us tgt! everyone is going to year 2, think it's gonna be tougher than year 1. but for me? hahaha i'm always slacking till exams. perhaps i should not be that slack in the new year~for this new sem, i'm totally in a different environment. gonna have a different classmates & friends. i hope everything would go fine *pray hard* die, i'm already thinking when is the next holiday! is at june 12, oppps i've checked the date already. sighhhhh. i keep thinking today is sunday, which is saturday. hahaha i like such feelings too, LOST TRACK OF TIME. okay i need to screw back my body clock. i want to go to school with nice clothings & nice complexion & nice skin. continue to watch my show & try to sleep at 12am? OKAY LETS GO.

2011-03-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

Be with me?

Time can heal a broken heart or it can break a waiting heart.

boring day. i didnt sleep a wink last night. went out at 7plus to fetch the rest to go to pray grandpa. went back at 10plus, & was on the car for almost 2 hours. reached home at 2 plus & i watched tv. cant sleep at all,sigh. now is 1120, i dont feel sleepy at all. omg what is happening to me? i know that as compared to those people in the area of earthquake, my life is really lucky. but if i dont compare with any others, my life really...cmi. i've been at home this few days, a good time to think. result sucks, family sucks, i dont know where my friends go, i've got no job, no goals or dream, no income, cant give a helping hand to those needy...just sucks. why is there so many drama in my life? i thot 2011 would be a good year..nah, the first day of 2011 also sucks :/ to think back, for the past 3 months, there isnt any happy moments sia. wa, seriously fail. it's not that i never tried to be happy or be the first one to take action. in fact, i did more than once. i told myself that i can do it, be positive, if determined sure can make it one, dont think about negative stuffs, or not it wont happen at all. but still, everything is falling down. what this means? i was wrong to carry some hope in me? perhaps.

Maybe it doesn’t really matter if you wear your heart on your sleeve or if you guard it with all your might because in the end, everyone’s gonna get hurt. i've already tried my best. there is nothing more i can do, but wait. but look up there. "time can heal a broken heart or it can break a waiting heart." Sometimes I feel like I’m mentally going to explode, and there’s just nothing I can do about it. i hate that i take things so seriously, & littlest of things annoys me. i hate that i pay so much attention to things i shouldnt & ignore the things that mean the most to me. come on, i deserve more than empty words & promises. you know what, when I saw your name light up my phone, and i swear to you, my heart started pounding really hard. but, sometimes what you want isnt always what you get. hahaha see, I told you you’d give up on me. i cant believe how happy i am one day, then the next something happens & i'm suddenly down, stressed & drained, all at the same time. i do miss you, but i'm trying not to care anymore. Sometimes the things you want the most don’t happen and what you least expect happens. I don’t know - you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet that one person and your life is changed. the most painful goodbyes are the ones left unsaid, but the heart already know it's over. it's funny that i think about "us" alot, even when "us" doesnt exist at all. There are things that we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don’t want to know, but have to learn and people we can’t live without but have to let go.Sometimes you just have to cry, let it go, shake it off, then move onto a new fresh start.I’m not happy, I’m cheerful. There’s a difference. A happy woman has no cares at all. A cheerful woman has cares but has learned how to deal with them.Just because you feel it, doesn’t mean it’s there. the people who want to stay in your life will always find their way themselves. i wish you would want to talk to me as much as i want to talk to you. sigh, i miss going to bed with absolutely nothing in my mind. great failure, i always fall for people i never can have. It’s an endless cycle, one guy tears your world apart and another comes along and fixes it. well, i can get over this, since it's the third time already, i'm familiar with this feeling.

2011-03-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

Family

Sometimes when people stop caring, you just need to accept it and stop trying.

i totally lost my respect to you. i still have to depend on the weather i am able to go to pray my own grandfather? if it's sunny, it's my mom who can go, if it's rainy, i'm going. 3 of us still have to stress how to sit in the car because we have to squeeze 6-7 ppl in one 5-seater can. eh mind you, you have a car right? you can ask your husband to drive right? we bloodyhell have to squeeze & vote who can go to pray just because of your selfishness. just because that your daughters arent going, so you dont wanna drive. FYL SERIOUSLY. you want an old woman to squeeze with 5 ppl for a half-an-hour ride? she's my grandma, your mom. cant you be a little considerate? i know, you dont even treat me as your niece since young, you're biased since the youngest one is born. my mom told me everything you said before. eh hello, i'm your niece, not an adopted child. what can you do except for boasting about your freaking branded bags? they're not nice at all. what prada, vuitton, gucci. come on, be practical. you have difficulties in life already, you have not enough money. & yet you wanna spent half of your asset to buy an ugly green prada? my dad, your brother, have always love you since young. do you ever think of him? my mom, your sister-in-law, gave you lots of beauty products for free for the past 20 years,you know how much she could earn from you? more than the price of yur dream bag Hermes. you wanna be practical right, why should i be kind to you? going overseas as a family is always your mom's dream. your mom's favourite child is your brother, my dad. but before booking tickets, did you even ask our opinions? i was having exams at the period of time, my parents aint free, did you ask? NO. you totally just went to the company & booked tix for 8. the whole family went, except the 3 of us. after you guys come back, your mom asked, why i couldnt go, i said i was having exams. you turned & said,"really? if i knew i would postpone the whole trip!" what an act, you didnt even ask, how would you know!? the older i am, the more ugly sides i've seen. you are one of the ugliest person i've ever seen. whenever my friends said about their family, i feel nothing but envious. i have a family members who are money-minded, biased, selfish.grandma?she always love the youngest one the most. aunts, their own child & each other daughters. next time when others ask me how many ppl are there in my family tree, i would say : 3person. my parents & me. every family dinner, we will be fighting over something. reunion dinner, we will be comparing about something. whats the point then? sorry i lost every single bit of respect to you. you are still my elder, i wouldnt say that "if i have a chance, i would slap you up down left right" such stuffs. but dont expect me to talk to you or even call you. i would not need your help even i'm in trouble. i would not depend on my so-called family. i rather depend on my friends. no friends? fine i have myself.i dont believe that i cant live in the world alone. even after my parents are up at heaven, i would not ever recognise you as my dad's sister. you are another outsider to me now, even my friends are closer to me than you. i'm rude? this is what you get for treating my parents badly, from me. i'm ashamed, for having the same surname as you. i'm ashamed for my dad, for having such a sister. i'm ashamed for your mom, for teaching you to be a money-minded & biased. what a family i have. we only have 11 ppl, but then, i felt that i only have 2 with me. my parents. you say you want to move back to AMK right, go ahead. i wont go your punggol house ever again. sorry, i dont even wanna see you. i rather spend some money on cab than squeezing in the car with you. i rather eat alone than eating with the family. i rather go out with my frens than having some retarded family gathering. i rather be at home watching some stupid shows & eat cup noodles than eating reunion dinner with the family. i rather stay at home & sleep my day off rather than going to the house & see those faces that i would have the rush to slap. family? what is it? is it something that could be eaten?

2011-03-17T10:03:00.000-07:00

Incertitude

Girls, just cause it seems like a guy likes you, doesn’t mean he does.

hi. summarize everything up okay - met ah li, went to bugis starbucks & wait for yeong, headed to bugis street, ate wo ai tai mei, walked around aimlessly, walked back to bugis junction, took cab to timbre, chilled & chatted, walked around singapore river & took train home. photos gonna be on fb(:

there was a moment where i really wanted to scold it out, but to think again, why should i? Rmb this, i was there for you, but you pushed me away. i'm not gonna be there to pull you back anymore, this is the last time. i thought you were different, but then 2 months later, i'm enduring the same shit again. i'm such a big fool, gonna fall for the third time. third bloody time. enough is enough. i'm too tired & have no strength to continue. now is time to face the truth, i'll never be with you.

2011-03-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

Unrequited Love

The fact that you cannot kiss your elbow is enough to make you realize that some things seem to be so close, yet they are bound to be beyond your reach.

hi. hmmmm, today is totally a slack day. woke up in the noon and watched tv,ate lunch & continued to watch tv. after that i went to use my lappy. i spent my whole day looking at screens. & half way through the day, it rained. totally love the cooling weather~ surprisingly,i didnt take any nap today, because i slept till noon! if i take a nap, i wonder what time i have to sleep tonight. tumblr tumblr tumblr, i think tumblr is my life at home. i cant imagine my life without tumblr now. so many stuffs to reblog & reblog, i can just look in the screens & learn about lots of things, awesomeness(: it's 1234 am now & im still looking at screens,sigh. my whole body is aching now :/

If all the words you told me actually meant something, maybe we wouldn't be standing where we are today. & after awhile, you learn that you don’t need anyone else in order to survive. No one else is ever going to always be there, no matter what they say or promise you. You just gotta suck it up, accept it, and keep going on.Sometimes, I’d rather feel nothing. It’s better. It’s easier.If only there was a warning to let us know when we are about to fall for someone...But it's time to face the truth, i'll never be with you. From now on, i'll expect nothing and just take what i get. Nah don't worry about it, i'm used to it.

PS: I wanted to run up to him & give him a long hug. A really,really long one.

2011-03-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

Hot chocolate

How much of human life is lost in waiting?

i forgot when was the last time since i'm in this little space, but now i'm back to update. yesterday 12march2011, my parents booked a room at MBS, so i spent my night over there last night. it was a short little break for us. checked in at 3 plus and went around the whole mbs. the scenary at the skypark, regardless it is the dayview or nightview, it is still as breathtaking. i personally prefer the nightview because it remind me of the scenary i saw in Hokkaido. every small little lights belongs to a family. so nice. ah yeong came over at 5 plus, bought her around mbs looking at branded goods & went to eat cold rock ice cream! yummy yummy! oh & she went dinner with my parentes too. that restaurant was nice! the servings were also damn huge~ after that...the rest of my family came over to visit the skypark, & ah yeong is like my boyf last night, i introduced my family members to her,HAHAHA! after the skypark, we went to my room & continue chatting by the big window, where we still can see the nightview there. & we also witnessed a water show, damn cool! ah li came over at 9 plus & we went to the shoppes to find food to eat. hahaha after that we went off, with some plans changed. both the BB went home, & i went for supper. what i can rmb is... i kept walking non-stop, REALLY NON STOP. whothehell visit all sorts of places at that weird timing? it' us -.- full stop, story ended, pointless to continue story telling.

please pray hard & do a part for japan, the world is ending anyway.

2011-03-07T07:03:00.000-08:00

Crush

We all want something we can't have.

did i ever mention before i only know 2 songs from david archuleta? A little too not over you & Crush. this 2 songs is niceeeeeeeeee. went to watch 2 movies with yjh & ah li this afternoon, Adjustment bureau & I'm number 4 , 2 movies are really nice! especially adjustment bureau~ totally omgwtfbbq. both movies have unexpected storyline, but the endings are of course you-know-what-will-happen de lah.hahaha.then went to PS to have our dinner, slack dao 6plus & we headed home. boringnight, so i went to tumblr~ thats the only platform for me to vent out all my emotions now. gonna watch my tv now, BYE.

Come on, show me that good things come to those who wait. People ask me why it's so hard to trust people & i ask them why is it hard to keep a promise.It’s like once you’ve been hurt, you’re so scared to get attached again, like you have this fear that every person you start to like is going to break your heart.i hate expecting too much, but i can't stop doing it.i'm sensitive,i overthink every little thing & i care way more i should.Sometimes it's scary how much fun you can have with someone close to you; it's scary because eventually you'll start to think when it will all end. & sometimes, the best way to stay close someone you love is by being just a friend.

all these are quotes, i think it's true, so i post it (:

2011-03-05T06:07:00.000-08:00

I need a boy

She's hurt, mentally & emotionally. But everyday, she walks outside with a smile on her face, because that's just who she is, the girl who never stopped smiling.

okay this is a little slow but.. EXAMS IS OVER! LIKE FINALLY OMG. i cant imagine that i have survive that hell-ish 4 days man~ i've not used my brain to think too much after my exams end, i temporarily stopped thinking about my results & went out with NP peeps to town. the only thing i rmb is.. i laughed for 1 consecutive hour, my tummy hurt alot siaaaaaaa.HAHAHAHA! love such moments, laughing at random stuffs~ i think laughing is gonna be my favourite hobby! after that went shopping with anderlin while waiting for the 3 single ladies. went off to vivo at 3 plus and went to my secret hide out, i'm gonna go there when i'm moody. after going to secret hide out, i went to sit down at somewhere & i start....fine, i started stalking people. then they called, went to find them later. went to starbucks, & we started chatting again~ chatted till 6 plus & we went off to frenzie! the food was quite a big portion, & we continue to chat without that anpandeb. reached home at 10. the very next day, 7 of us went partyworld and we sing till the sky drop, SINGING WITH ANDERSON CAN MAKE ME....*faints* bth sia, keep giving that annoying face! sang lots of epic songs, then went to siam kitchen at 6 to have our dinner. chatted & discussed about chalet & left around 8. walked around NEX, then went up to the skypark and continue to crap, went home at 9plus, home sweet home~ today? i spent my day watching show (: i love such days because i'm alone at home,HAHAHAH!okay, i shall go & tumblr, think thats my only escape now.

2011-02-24T21:00:00.000-08:00

Let it be

I give up. I’m tired of waiting and wishing.

last night was...*silence* i was feeling down, for no reason. okay maybe not no reason, is a reason that i know. i think quite alot yesterday, although i still didnt figure anything out, but there are some problems that have no answers. i know somehow i'm playing with fire, i didnt expect things will turn out this way. i will put out the fire before it will burn my whole heart. it's not that i wanna give up before trying, is just that i've no courage to do anything. Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we’ve been and what we’ve overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That’s what we like to think. But that’s not the way it is. Some things we just have to learn over and over again. be strong? this is a phrase that's easy to say,but it's a hard thing to do when you're broken. & i found out that i'm still a broken girl, if you understand what i meant. "Don’t fall in love. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less." this is so true. nevermind, i will find my way out today, & totally concentrate on revision.

I should: never expect, never assume, never demand.
I should know: my limits, where i stand, my role.
Don't: get affected, get jealous, get paranoid.
I'll just go with the flow & stay happy.

2011-02-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

If i could, i would.

You can do anything for anyone, but don’t expect them to do the same for you.

2011-02-22T04:14:00.000-08:00

Empathy

Have you ever wanted to believe in something so badly, but you just couldn’t ignore the voice in the back of your mind saying, “it’s not true”?

i think i screwed up DSS, it's not a difficult one, but it's my careless mistake & my itchy hands. i was on the verge to kill myself after i came out of the lab, because those mistakes can actually be avoided. whatever, at least one module is down. i just have to pray that i dont have to retake this module again, or not i rather quit school & go out & work. anyway,after DSS i went to meet leonard bervin xmm & nyu, slack awhile at library & went to AMK hub with the 2 kiddos. on the bus we were like all sitting at different seats, but then we chatting thru texting -.- i know it's lame, but too bad, i was with 2 KIDS, have to lower my IQ yknow. anyway, there was quite a funny incident during the trip that made me switch my place. walao bth sia, the man's smoke smell is super heavy, leonard was sitting in front of me & bervin was sitting diagonally in front of me, both of them can also smell the smoke smell lah, IMAGINE ME. i almost died of suffocation i swear. bervin asked me to go sit with him after he smell the smoke smell, i quickly switched place, OR NOT UH I THINK I WONT SURVIVE TO AMK HUB. reached amk hub, went to buy SHILIN, then walked around + crapping. went to take 136 with leonard at 5plus, & start to sleep for the whole journey. when i woke up, i'm at sengkang already. slept for quite long~ reached home, started to tumblr & tweet.

PS: I think it's nearly a miracle for two people to like one another at the same time.

should start studying now. bye.

2011-02-20T07:29:00.000-08:00

559+1=600

There is nothing worse in the world then thinking you have a chance, when you really don’t.

hi, an "awesome" sunday, spent the WHOLE FULL DAY studying -.- met leonard, nyu,xmm & bervin to study at Popeyes. me & leonard was the earliest, so we were talking cock before we started studying, then nyu & xmm came, & then after a while, we started on DSS, the worst subject ever omg. we actually met at 1, bervin that retard woke up at 2 plus 3, and reached popeyes at 3plus. when he reached, not long later nyu & xmm ps-ed us, so left me with that 2 kiddos -.- i was doing POA, & LUCKILY THEIR POA IS QUITE ZAI, they helped me find my errors, HAHAAH! at dinner time, we walked over to Punggol Plaza for dinner. leo & bervin went to buy bbt, & then we went for dinner. i rmb we left at 7 because the AI showed at the food court, we zao damn quickly when we heard that song. then we went to KFC to continue studying till 9plus. & of course, got alot of funny things happened. both of them keep hacking my phone passcode lah tmd! & every passcode i put, bervin just solved it! bloodyhell, he always peeked before solving one lor, still suan me that my passcode damn easy! then we walked to the night market near my house, hahaha the 2 kiddos went to play the games there. this was my first time playing pasar malam's games sia, though is not i play lah, but i see them play, like fun sia, HAHAHA! before they play, bervin turned and ask, "which prize you want?" "erm i dont know, spongebob?" "no that spongebob very ugly" "then the winnie the pooh!" "where got nice sia!" "AIYA WHATEVER LAH" " cannot, hurry up choose!" "lava lamp lah lava lamp. but that one difficult to shoot sia!" " okay set, jiu na ge lava lamp" they shot, shot & shot. VERY CLOSE, really very close, but still never shoot dao -.- so my lava lamp...jiu dont have liao. after that i walked home. outside my house bervin called & said, eh what if we really shoot dao the duck & got a lava lamp!?" "are you serious!? really got a lava lamp uh!?" -then no connection- "no lah, just saying only,hahaha bye" "wtf, bye!" although they damn cock lah, but they helped me on my DSS & POA today, so i shant blame them for their childishness. (:

1230am, shall start studying again.

2011-02-19T03:19:00.000-08:00

Eccedentesiast

A person who fakes a smile.

hi, time check, 721.

i woke up at 10plus, was awaken by a text -.- anyway slacked on my bed for awhile, and i received a text from yeong, was bitching with her for like 15 to 20mins, HAHAH such bitchiness will totally increase my karma points, but it totally made up my morning. ate breakfast, watched tv & went to study at 2plus. but at 4 plus, really bth, went to nap awhile. after waking up till now, i'm having a freaking headache -.- exams is so near yet so far. i want it to end quickly, but then i dont want it to come as fast. okay, should continue to study & hope my headache can subside.

hey you, the only reason why you're alive is because killing is illegal.

2011-02-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

Luxury

Welcome to my life. how long will you stay this time?

hi, it's a friday, & i didnt study at all, fml. & you know what, it's my mom that asked me to relax for one day, HAHAHA! went dim sum with momsy & auntie rose & huimin, i guessed today is the first time in this 2 months i laughed until my stomach really hurts,& the one that made me laughed like that is suprisingly, my mom. all types of jokes, freaking funny. my mom today is in a good mood, so thats why she's this cute. i hope she'll be in a good mood, FOREVER IN GOOD MOOD. anyway, ate ALOT of dim sum omg, bth. FATTENING MAX. went to orchard to shop with both momsy & omma, while huimin went to work. TODAY IS TOTALLY A LUXURY DAY. whatever we see, I REPEAT, WHATEVER WE SHOP & SEE, is all branded. walao i mention de a few thousand plus dollars, it seems to be like a few cents only. "just buy lor, a few thousand dollars, very cheap liao leh!" wtf i'm like a rich kid trying to spend all my parents' assets. BUT I'M REALLY AIMING FOR A BAG. i'm so gonna get it, by hook or crook. IT'S FREAKING NICE. i dont want to say the brand first, keep in suspense *wink wink* oh & must be humble. not really expensive actually. *big smile*

okay enough of this, i needa study liao, or not tonight dont need to sleep. bye~

2011-02-17T04:51:00.000-08:00

Heart

Sometimes, it may seem like I don’t care about anything and I feel like nothing’s truly worth the hard effort because eventually, and inevitably, everyone ends up leaving anyway.

hi, last day of CNY, the moon is really very round, so beautiful~ anyway, this few days i've been, erm studying? okay half studying & half slacking. somehow i just cant concentrate on studying & i dont know why.

anyway, ah li told me that today is the chinese valentine's day, & i spent it with ah li. i spent 2 valentines day with ah li, AH LI LEH, omg sian sia~ HAHAHAHA JOKING! went to punggol popeyes to study, i swear it's freaking hot. & stuffy. & we were asked to moved to another corner as there were training going on. but then we just walked out & took a walk at the small sea. THE WEATHER IS BURNING I SWEAR, my skin is so hot ): then we decided to move to compass, walked back to the LRT was funny, both of us are like talking without using our brains.HAHAHA. reached compass & made our way to yoshi, freaking long never go there liao. studied to 5plus, mom came to find me & ah li went home. me & mom walked around to wait for dad for dinner. mom suddenly asked me about gabby, coz i once told her about him going to europe. then she's like, is he going to europe again? ask him to help me buy stuffs leh. -.- then i told her, where got ppl consecutive 2 years go europe one! she said: he's rich what not meh! eh show me his photo leh -.- what can i say, i'm holding onto my phone, impossible for me to say 'orh phone spoil', bo bian just show her lor, no harm. BUT THEN, when she see his face, she totally said out what kind of personality he have, OMG I SWEAR IT'S DAMN ACCURATE. got one moment i just looked at my mom, stunned. seriously damn zun. whatever shit she said is totally true.IT'S SUPER SCARY. then i showed her another photo, ANOTHER ZUN ONE. wa next time before i want to fall in love with anybody uh, i will show my mom their photo first, then decide whether want to invest not,HAHAHAH! for the whole dinner, mom & dad have been comparing the 2 guys that i've showed them. one is like, say until no value, not worth it one. the other one, my mom says he's like my dad, a good guy. he's like my dad... i've no comments. i shall just wait & see.

okay time's up, gonna study~

2011-02-15T04:48:00.000-08:00

Only girl

when someone walks out of your life completely, you begin to second guess absolutely everything.

hi, a... freaking hot tuesday. slept at 3plus last night to write notes for my bmgt & woke up around 11plus to get prepared for my dental appt. i took 1 hour to reach there, & the whole process only took 15 mins -.- my dentist just changed the upper row's wire & put the coloured rubber bands, the bottom row isnt that str8 yet, so cant put. & my next appt is 6 weeks later. omg, i must slim down manzxcxz~ after that, went to take mom's pants at auntie rose's and went to meet ah li at burger king to study. studied up till 6 plus & went home. didnt eat any dinner, hahaha was to full to have one. & i swear, i'm super pissed off with my mom. she's the most contradicting woman i've ever seen before. this is another accumulated thing which makes me want to move out asap.

sigh, tmr is a 2 hour school day. it's not even a school, it's just a revision tutorial. this means that i have to wake up early, take train & that freaking 74 to school. think i will bw studying after that, just that i dont know where should i go only.okay bye, i'm gonna be stressgirl93 liao.

2011-02-14T05:20:00.000-08:00

Single-Awareness Day

if you felt the same way...

happy valentines' day to all of you! to me, this day is only a normal monday, a monday when i feel forever-alone, a monday when i feel envious of all the girls receiving flowers, a monday when i feel that valentines' day = friends-forever-day. met liting & yeong for lunch at kovan, it's the single-ladies day for us. we chatted erm... ya mostly gossiping & some relationship stuffs. i'm like a rich girl today, we cab from kovan to TP, & from TP i cab home with liting.HAHAA. & i realised that in TP, there is lots of girls carrying roses walking around. well, i have yeong's daisy, it's enough. (: crashed her lecture today,hahaha chatted with her bimbo fren clara, & realised that in some way, she's quite similar to me.HAHAHA! went home after her lecture ended, watched tv & preparing to study. pathetic me, everybody is celebrating vday, & i'm at home studying. whatever, thanks for all the gifts sisters!

today is the day when i know it's impossible. No use chasing anymore. if he want me, he would chase me. somebody told me, if a guy really like you, he would make it obvious & will eventually tell you, so just have to wait. if he didnt ask or hint, it either means he's not prepared to commit or he's not even interested in you. valentines day, it's a single-awareness day for me. happy singletine day!

2011-02-13T07:12:00.000-08:00

空位

When you learn to accept instead of expect, you’ll have fewer disappointments.

hi. it's 1115 now. & i'm still not sleeping/studying/doing anyting constructive. i'm totally screwed up. woke up at 11plus this morning, had breakfast & went out for visiting. came home at 3 plus & neighbour cooked curry for us! it's super nice! such warmth always made me smile (: went out to gu gu house to... i dont know do what, slack? i watched tv there, & cried because the show is too touching, my whole family thot what happened -.- went to dinner with those puffy eyes. & my mood is totally ruined. actually is when i reached ruiqi's house, i'm already in a bad mood, but then i didnt want to say why am i in a bad mood so i just smile smile talk cock. but then one incident after one incident totally ruined my appetite & mood for the whole night, even till now. on the same day, 2 person gave me blank cheques. one is, he forever dont meant what he said. this is not the first time already. & dont you think you should apologise for what you've accused me? i hate ppl who broke their promise, gave me blank cheques & accuse me in doing what i didnt, you did all 3. thanks for spoiling my mood for the day, i really wanted to walked out of the restuarant & go find my frens. the reason why i didnt because i have manners & that little bit of respect for you. another one, always giving me hope & a few days later drop me to hell. i know its not his fault but sorry, he also gave me blank cheques which i feel like strangling him after he told me that he cant go. THANKS TO YOU TWO, the night before vday i'm in a bad mood. my 2 weeks of study break have already started, but then i havent touch on ANYTHING yet, screw my life. i'm like, sucha failure. cannot even stand of myself, tsk.

what i wanna say now is, i should stop letting my imagination run wild. i jolly well know that what is actually gonna happen to me. i shouldnt push myself into another hell, i shouldnt tell myself that this is actually the one i'm finding, i shouldnt put in any effort, i shouldnt expect, i shouldnt put in any feelings. last time i shouldnt, now i shouldnt, in the future...i wouldnt & shouldnt.

2011-02-09T05:26:00.000-08:00

Breathe

This is the problem with getting attached to someone. When they leave, you just feel lost.

hi happy birthday to all of you! today is chu 7, is everyone's birthday~ hahaha my class start at 10pm today, however i didnt took my own sweet time to school coz i lied on my bed for quite a long time & turned out to be early for school -.- went to meet georgy & her boyf. i was a MEGA lightbulb i swear. but what can i do? of course continue to talk with them lah. went to class at 10 & the tutor was inside already,hahaha. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? the whole class spend half an hour slacking because the tutor MIA & when she came back, we spent the next half an hour folding paper planes -.- totally waste my morning rushing to schooooool, tsk. anyway, the next is POA, just went thru papers then.... dismissed. went to atrium & rehearse for DSS, i was really scared for the presentation because if we screw up for this presentation, next sem we have to face that tutor again. didnt had normal meal, just abit of food & went for that presentation. i stutter quite alot, & i dont even dare to look into that tutor's eye. but our comments was, "you girls did better than the previous PBL" 4 of us, looked at each other, & SMILED. i really felt sooooo relieved at that moment~ then we chiong to lecture hall & gave ella a surprise for her birthday. went to canteen 2 for some bites because, SERIOUSLY TOO HUNGRY OMG. hahaha went off at 5plus, otw to bus stop, i was like talking to Mae & suddenly behind me got somebody said in chinese lah "eh miss your phone is fake one isit? i called you 3 times leh!!" then i turned back, HAHAHA IT'S LEO LAO DA. then bervin was beside him adding oil -.- when i was going to climb the stairs of the overhead bridge, leonard suddenly shouted my name & said his mom is fetching him home, offer me to take SHUN FENG CHE. i'll be crazy if i rejected, HAHA! i dont have to squeeze place with ppl today leh~ of course accept that offer lah! went back to the bus stop to find bervin, wa his bus uh, is super long de long. lucky leo's mom car came first, so both of us ps bervin at the bus stop,HAHAHAH! thanks to auntie, i reached home within half an hour, & when i reached home jiu got dinner waiting for me~ i have no more presentation liao, TIME TO SLACK THIS WEEK & start studying next week.

2011-02-07T06:15:00.000-08:00

TIRED;TRIED.

When a girl is silent, that’s pretty dangerous. She’s either overthinking, tired of waiting, about to blow, lonely, needs a hug, falling apart or crying inside. and most probably all of those above.

what a monday. it was supposed to be a happy monday, but because of one thing, totally spoil this happy mood. since the year started, there will always be ONE thing, that one thing that would spoil the whole day. ALWAYS. the year has barely started, & i hope that december would faster come so that i can go overseas & chill. tonight, is one of the night that even chocolates cant cheer me up. tonight is one of the night when all feelings rushes into my mind & occupied it, which made me totally stop doing anything but watching tv, tumblr-ing, twitter-ing & blogging.

i had grp presentation today, personally i think we did quite well, we follow the format & we acted out very well, coz the whole class was laughing at our skit, which was a success. but yknow what? the tutor, commented on everybody's presentations except for ours. she totally ignored our existence. everyone walked out the class happily, saying how the tutor commented about them, but us? we walked out quietly. today was the first time i told steph that, "hey i dont feel like talking, let's listen to songs & just go home k." she had the same feeling as me so we were listening to songs from school to bus stop. at there we met justina, so bo bian, have to entertain. otw home, i was really very tired, like mentally & physically. went home, parents asked me to go out for dinner -.- what can i say? "orh okay wait uh", tied my hair & went out. came back & i totally crashed at my sofa. but luckily i watched the channel 8 shows tonight, it made me happy, at least for a while..

georgy told something that totally blown my mind. she was like, "eh yknow uh when we presenting right, he wasnt even listening or looking, but when you are presenting, he totally paid attention to you leh!" actually i saw, because when i'm presenting, he's just in front of the tutor, so when i'm looking at the tutor, i'm also looking at him. & ya... what she said was... true. & when he's presenting, i tried hard not to look at him. but when i look, freak, we had eye contact. & not only once, but a few times. i've been avoiding to have eye contact with him, not because i still like him, but because i'm afraid that i will rmb what he told me. & these few eye contacts have already proved that looking at him will really remind me of what he used to do. i need to change class asap.

to guys outside:
he makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world. he tells you all these lies and you fall for it. after he gets what he wants he leaves. he doesn’t care, he never did. now the next guy that comes along who actually does mean everything he says, gets pushed away because she’s scared. scared of being hurt again.. but he doesn’t care. he keeps trying to win her heart, trying to show her he’s different. he’s the perfect guy for her but she’s too scared to open herself up again. see guys? you think that you can break a girls heart and she’ll be fine. it doesn’t work like that. stop playing girls like they’re just toys, cause they ain’t.

PS:
Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. but you know what I hate? I hate it when I get too attached to someone, when I get too used to them being a part of my daily routine, used to texting them throughout the day, phone with them at night & see them often & then when something happens & it ends, It’s hard ‘cause now I gotta re-adjust to not talking & seeing them, anymore & I gotta start the same cycle over with someone else. who's that someone else? i dont know, because i really cannot afford to let myself fall & get hurt again, there is no one out there who's willing to catch me. what for lowering myself? might as well build more castles & walls around, perhaps i will feel more secured.

2011-02-05T05:26:00.000-08:00

Be mentally-prepared.

stop chasing him. if he wants you, he'll chase you.

CHU 3, saturday. i've been waking up early in the morning for this year's CNY, but of course, better than normal school days. went to the temple to pray for a while & then went to meet ben for lunch with parents. went back home & slacked till 3plus then go to cheryl's house. went there & literaly did... nothing. i watched shows with jazreel's macbook till about 5plus then we went to t3 for dinner. walked around to 8plus & came home. abit sian uh today. tmr.. continue visiting & stuffs. monday i've got 2 presentation & a skit to perform, sad to be me. this CNY isnt a happy cny for me, morning... yea it is. but at night when i'm alone chiong-ing all those assignments, it really pissed me off. & i've been thinking... like,if everything worked out & all my wishes came true.. i picture myself saying all the things i cant & doing things i've always wanted to do. i think about how different would things be. but at the end of the day, the conclusion would be nothing. i'm just alone inside. i'm always telling myself that, if it is meant to be, it will happen no matter what. but it's the process that is torturing. dont try to guess what i'm thinking, because even me myself dont know what i'm thinking & what exactly i want. actually despite saying that "who needs a boyf if i'm a happy single lady?" , deep in my heart i know that's not the case for me. seriously, seeing so many sweet couples preparing for valentines' day.. makes me feel alone. cheryl just asked, "how are you gonna celebrate your v'day this year?" everyone have plans, except me. yknow what's my answer? " *smile* i have no plans, most prolly staying at home & slack." to say blantly, it's just another day for me, but it's the loneliest day ever. i might sound despo here, so dont mind, this is the only place where i can rant. to think back again, what i did to deserve 2 times of bad experience in such stuffs? although pei pei have already talked me out, but there is a corner of my heart is just afraid. i'm really scared & yet i want to try. talking to guys now is a chore for me, because i have to figure out what are they really thinking,which is really tiring. forget it, it's not that i have anyone in mind, i'm just ranting. it's not like i have somebody to commit. as i said, i must guard my heart & build higher walls, to protect myself from everybody. i dont deserve to get this shitty stuffs again & i cant afford to have another heartache, really.

you didnt change, you just merely showing your true colours. are you the one who have lost interested or is it... me? am i oversensitive or is that really happening? i thought we will go well. forget it, go ahead & leave me then, it's not like i've never experienced before. in fact, sad to say, i've got used to ppl leaving me. i'll be alright, just leave if you want to.

2011-02-03T08:42:00.000-08:00

Build castles in the air

Learn to fall,learn to take a fall,and learn to get back up again. but i always screw things up...

happy chinese lunar to all of you in the world! chu yi, i woke up at 11plus & bathed & went out without eating breakfast. went to pray at the temple near my house & went to fetch ruiqi & gugu to ah ma's house. we reached ah ma's house at around 1plus, & started eating her super-delicious-&-yummy-ttm meesua. i spammed all the peanuts & veggies, ate half of the bowl & my stoamch's bursting. REALLY DAMN FULL. left the rest at the table & went around the living room to walk around to let it digest awhile. a few hours later i went back to eat again. omg chu yi is like a day of eating, not chinese new year. i spent my whole after watching my taiwan videos & looking at photos. at 6plus, went out with dad & ruiqi to buy our dinner for the whole money. & we started to gamble at 8plus. WOOHOO IT'S DAMN FUN. i might be an addictive gambler when i grow up, LOLJK. HAHAHAH! i thought that i would pms & be in a bad mood for the whole afternoon because i'm having my thing, & it's the first day -.- last year also like that sia whatthehell. but lucky i wasnt, or not i dont know how am i gonna survive the whole day today. going out with family again tmr, but we dont have an actual plan to follow. huimin asked me out tmr, i'm still considering~

i feel like unfollowing some of my friends on my twitter, not that i dont like them, but their life is just revolving them with their boyf only. yes i'm envy of ppl being lovey-dovey, but thats abit too much uh. every single tweet it's about them. not only one, but it's a FEW FRIENDS tweeting tgt. are they in some grp or something?can you all at least think of others that is finding for one? you all make it seems so easy for 2 to get tgt, but in fact it's the most difficult things on earth. okay sorry, i'm PMS-ing.

will the history repeat itself? i dont want to make you as my habit,because i will get hurt if you leave my life. but to think back again, go ahead & leave, i've already got used to ppl leaving me. all guys just like to talk to girls like that right? i have a few in hands now. they totally showed me the true colours of each & every guys. no use getting dumb over another guy, i dont even intend to trust anymore. i hope i can guard my heart properly, no... it's a must. i must guard peroperly, i will be my first priority.

2011-02-02T08:16:00.000-08:00

Happy hour

I wish I weren’t afraid of losing control, of being open and letting people in. I wish I weren’t so afraid to love, and be loved.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! yay, cny means got money liao! got money means what? that means alot of things leh, can shop can eat can buy more things can buy presents etc! HAHAHA. but somehow, i dont have the cny mood :/ it's like another day,where i dont have to go to school & study. i really dont have the feel sia omg! this is soooo bad~

anyway, went to school at cny eve (pfffffffft!) for presentation, it was quite fine, just that our time was dragged & bo bian we have to rush thru ): POA lesson was quite okay, i can understand what is she trying to say, even though i wasnt listening to the lecture.HAHAHA SMARTGIRL93 ^^ took photos with some of the classmates & then went off to town for lunch. went home to bathe & get ready for reunion dinner! today was the first time i wore a LONGskirt out, i really mean LONG. feel so graceful,HAHAHA. next time can wear to town, new style yknow(: dinner was fun, & of course, we spammed photos. uncle suddenly ask me whether am i an emo person, then i'm like, huh no why? he said " 'cause i've read your twitter" OMG HE READ MY TWITTER. i pray hard that he dont expose me man omggggggg! today is a tiring day, but i have to at least tahan until 1 plus then sleep because i want my parents to live longer & lead a healthy lifestyle (:

sorry but i'm not just another girl. i hope that when the day comes, i'm able to tell you that "hey, i've lost interest in you,bye.", but not..."i cant bear to let you go". you wont be there with me through thick & thin right? i've learnt a lesson that i should not expect anything from anybody, especially guys.

2011-02-01T06:46:00.000-08:00

hello Febuary.

Sometimes its better to keep it all inside, where the only person that can judge you, is yourself.

hi, the hectic month is finally over. FINALLY. i sincerely hope that febuary would be better than that rollercoaster month. hmmmm today... i went school with gabriel, & he was complaining about his grp member, seriously dont understand why would such ppl living in this world. whatever, lecture at lt 38, have to climb alllllll the way up to yellow submarine -.- it's freaking tired & it's totally out of the way~ first hour of the lecture i was really listening, & the lecturer is kinda funny yo. but the next hour... i was talking to jinpei. i will never forget what she told me, she said : "you gave him the key to your heart, but he returned it to you. now you're the one who are holding it to your own key. but you rather throw it away to some corner rather than giving to another person who might be able to make you happy." i'm the one who are holding to the key to open up my own heart. she's right. she gave me a time limit, until april, by then i must show her that i could treat him like another passerby. thanks pei pei

MAEC tut was fine, i will miss nathan joshua! he's damn good in teaching i swear. i must study hard for my maec paper, for him. & i want to sign up for the CIP to help those poors, hope i can get in ^^ after everything, i talked him awhile today, looking into his eyes. he's obviously just scared, i dont know what's he's afraid of.

went to alumni to have lunch, & then do project at ourspace. seriously bth, i'm like doing everything for the pair work. she's driving me crazy, in a bad way. went to find yeong & li at tampines & got my bag! i shall name it duffy chua (: hmmm we went to HANS & slacked, & obviously gossiped lah. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE NOT TO GOSSIP & BITCH AROUND WHEN 3 OF US GATHER? HAHAHA! i always tell them about my plans *wink wink* went home & showered, i should start prepare for my presentation. bye~

2011-01-31T06:02:00.000-08:00

I will if you will.

dont trust too much, dont love too much, dont hope too much because too much can hurt you so much.

rainy rainy monday. when i went out of the house this morning, i nearly thought that it's only 4 plus in the morning, i cant even see my keys,which one to slot correctly to the correct holes, like a blind woman. & it's freaking scary to walk alone at punggol walkways because the ppl here dont make ANY noise when they walk. i almost screamed when i saw a maid holding a boy passed by me. IT IS REALLY THAT SCARY OKAY. managed to survive without any heart attacks to the bus stop, and took the train with leonard & gabriel. took cab to school again~ hahaha but i always got to take free rides thanks to leonard. & you know what, the moment i reached school, i chiong to cheers & bought chilli crab cup noodles & ate at the student plaza,HAHAHA! zai right? it's super shiok i sure. next time got time i shall try again *wink wink* anyway, while eating my cup noodles, i was being asked by nyu : "eunice, where is boss uh?" wa her face uh, seems super familiar. it's like when debbie, liting, jacinth & yjh bombing me qns, super scaary. "HOW I KNOW SIA" thats what i replied ^^ but then, of course, they gave me the mr hehe look, & georgy totally just talked without thinking! seriously bth~ after that, we went to ourspace & start on our project. but thennnn... steph was late, & everything was with her, we end up facebooking & tumblr-ing -.- should have slept longer! whatever, i got to enjoy my chilli crab cup noodle & a cup of hot latte at the freezing cold ourspace~ had POA revision lecture, the lecturer was kinda cute, hahaha I MEANT THE WAY HE TEACH,NOT LOOKS KTHX. i asked bervin whether he & his kiddos coming or not, but then he said they gonna do project. however, they showed up at my lecture , without my cheese fries! -.- after lecture, went to lunch & then go for blaw lesson. the moment i stepped in the class, tan suan ping was like : "eunice you today very havoc hor!" i knew that she's gonna aim me for the rest of the lesson liao~ the lesson today was kinda fun, LOTS OF CRAP. i like (Y) school ended, we went to co-op & bought stuffs to decorate the card for anderlin, she was admitted to hospital last friday ): i was super worried for her i swear, my mood totally went down when i know about her condition. went to sgh & visit her, lucky she look okay, if not i think i would really cry in front of her. hope she can discharge asap!

do you know that actually i've already know that you're just trying to attract my attention? everytime you say something in class you will look at me. please, i have instinct, i know it when you are looking at me. whatever you said today is really dumb & stupid, although it's funny. yea, i realised that you've cut your hair. what you trying to imply now? you told me that you wont cut your hair, over your dead body. & now? your hair is getting shorter & shorter. i bet it's another girl tell you to do so right. i dont deny that i still miss you sometimes, but it's when i saw something related to you. why the hell are you trying to attract my attention? my friends have already told me what you've been doing when i'm not looking at you. i purposely walked past you, without saying hi, unexpected? sorry thats me. i dont do anything for you to expect. i'm not just another girl. & whythehell you follow behind me, talking so loudly? wanting me to turn back & look at you? i wanted to do so. there is a few times today i really want to go up to you and ask stuffs. but i look at you, i think of the things you told me, & it made me walked away. there was a few times when i saw you looking at me, because i was looking at you too. we had eye contact, but nothing happened. you asked me to be in your life, but you showed me that you're a coward. i thought you have lots of confidence in girls? why, lost your confidence isit? dont expect me to talk to you first, if you dont initiate, we wont be talking, it's not like i cannot do without you. i still have other choices. i wont say that it's your loss that you didnt chose me, but i should say i'm lucky to know that actually you are just trying to bluff me with all your lies. "i dont care if i never see you again, i'll be alright"

you, another one. making me more & more bth. can you stop telling me about you & your guy friends? you think everytime you tell me about it i will get jealous isit? taking photos with guys DOESNT mean that you have alot of guy friends, they are just some passerby. come on lah, think keep mentioning about guys going out with you, taking photos with you & talking to you very big isit? they are just using you. i've told you before face to face but you dont listen, die die also want to step into hell. i hinted you, but you are stupid enough to misunderstood my meaning. *faints* if you think that telling me will make me jealous, let me tell you, i have more than you. you are just trying to show that you're high-profile right? go ahead, i have already tell you so many times & yet you dont want to listen, fine. i'm not jealous that you have alot of friends, because they are just hi-bye friends, useless yknow. all you know is to ask stupid questions & making comments at wrong timing. i've already told you that i'm worried for anderlin & i'm not in the mood to entertain. & what you ask me? "why so emo, because he never reply you isit?" FREAKYOU, which part of my sentence you dont understand? dont make me angry, one day i might really just flare up.

january,this rollercoaster, is coming to an end, finally.

2011-01-30T04:32:00.000-08:00

Unfinished dreams

Sometimes it’s better to push someone away, not because you stopped loving that someone but because there comes a point that you have to shield yourself from pain.

hi i'm back. i was drenched last night after the concert, & hence i woke up with slight fever in the morning.i could have slept off my ass the whole afternoon because it was a very very very good weather to sleep in, but i woke up at 10plus because... i'm hungry, teehee. watched tv while waiting for parents to buy back for me & they bought noodle soup for me. i was spamming my mom's super spicy chilli to my noodles & i perspired like some dog. guess what, my slide fever subsided! continue to watch abit of tv & went to do my tuts. went to sleep at 4 plus because my sofa is super tempting, & woke up at 5plus.i dreamt of something, where i shouldnt be dreaming about him in the first place. what a nightmare. realized its raining outside, no wonder so coldddddd. dad bought curry fish head for dinner, SHIOK MAX i swear. ya i know its super fattening, but i just cant stop myself from eating the fish head, too shiok liao.HAHAHA! then went to bathe & i end up blogging instead of doing work, sigh. today is the 30th right? omgosh one more day, & this hectic january will be over.

cant understand why i cant wait for this january to be over? this january, i've gone through alot. & it's really alot, it's like a roller coaster. i went through sweet times, thought that i would be able to bring a partner for all gatherings, ending up it's just a dream, it's a heartache. he gave me hell, it's the type of hell that i've never experience before. i went through this with friends that i never expect that they will be with me. i went through friendship crisis too, saw many ugly truth & heard unexpected sayings.after all these nonsense happened, i learnt to be strong, to be hard-hearted, to be bitchier&sluttier than before. i've learnt to protect myself from all heartaches & i cannot afford another one. i was taught this world is cruel & i must guard my heart. i must never expect, never assume, never ask, never demand. Just let it be, because if it's meant to be, it will eventually happen.

PS: hey you, you totally remind me of him. i start to guard my heart against you.

2011-01-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

Watch me.

Love is such a beautiful lie to believe in.

hello loves, i'm back to blogging. just watched Super Show 3, its super worth it! i can see everything & everybody, sitting down somemore! okay sometimes still need to stand up lah.HAHAHA. i'm not a big fan of suju, but i must say that their concert is super nice! didnt regret spending 200plus for the tix!

i realised that i slept ALOT yesterday. from 10pm to 1130pm, woke up to wash my face & replied all texts, then slept at 12 & woke up at 11plus this morning! the amount i slept last night was the amt i slept for the whole week, i guess. more or less there lah, but it's super shiok. i'm gonna do that every saturday,AHAHAH! i instantly felt that my black eye rings are so much better~ yay! went to town to meet ah li & yeong. didnt want to shop at all, but i was so tempted to buy stuffs when i see them. thanks uh yeong & li, totally made me spend money again. & you know what, when i came out from the toilet after bathing, i saw my parents sitting on the sofa with my clothes on them, I WAS EXPOSED,DAMNIT. hahaha why they so cute sia,use such methods to expose me instead of nagging. i like it when they use such methods to expose me, instead of nagging & scolding damn loudly.

next week uh, i also dont know what is going on next week, i'm so excited to wear my new year clothing out, gonna feel damn pwetty. tsk, been hanging out with those bhb ppl liao. oh ya, & i realised some ugly truth. i didnt know that she would be such a girl, i was totally shocked when i knew about this. she's... i'm disappointed with her.my conclusion for this week is, looks can be so deceiving. that is so scary. "if you want to be a double face, at least make either one pretty."

2011-01-27T06:12:00.000-08:00

Dangerous relationship

I cannot afford to have another heartache.

hello loves. today is thursday & i only have around 5 to 10 mins to blog about this week. hmmm its the same old things again. busy with this & that, making my complexion & my eyes damn bad ): I NEED A NEW EYE MASSAGER. i forgot what i did already lah the past few days, but today is one of the days that i really slacked, for after a LONG period of time~ babydolls went to bugis today, i didnt really have the mood to shop so i went to find leonard, bervin & xmm for lunch. i just look at them eat coz i dont feel like eating mac ): anyway, we were like talk cock sing song all the way man, even after we moved to island creamary, from 1plus to 4plus. that is insane right, but yknow what? we were actually gossiping,HAHAHA! long time never do that liao, but its not me ah! its the other 3~ i merely give some comments only. MY KARMA POINTS WONT INCREASE RIGHT! stupid anton leonard & bervin keep saying that my karma points increase EVERYDAY, no matter what i do, making me stress only sia! okay whatever, dont care them. i should start doing my LMS now, have to wake up at 5plus ): & yay, might be meeting debbie for lunch ^^

you have the face to tell me that to text me, & yet you dont have the balls to give it to me face to face.you told me to stop wasting time on you & so, i've move on.

2011-01-24T06:16:00.000-08:00

Guard your heart.

Dont leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.

hi i'm back to blogging. so sian dont have the mood to do my POA tutorials. i wasnt really listening because i was studying other stuffs. sigh~ i dont want to complain but my life is boring,everyday same thing one. but every monday is a spoiler, thanks to mr tan chor huat. always pick on our grp only, first thing will come to us & start picking on us. EH HELLO, we did nothing wrong can! stop coming to us & pick on our work. ask you qns you gave us some retarded answers, waste my time talking to you only can. went to lecture & study for my blaw test, which is actually only 10 mcq & its 5% only. but ya, it's impt for me. every little things matter okay~ hmmm something happened after lecture, i never seen georgy so angry before, & i've never seen any guys like him before, seriously he have attitude problem!having to pay $25 is like, taking his life uh? somemore drag for more than a sem already. mind you thats not our money! we have to return to ppl one leh! "dont bother me, i'm not in good mood" what type of excuse is that! & after that you asked other ppl to give us back the money, $25 ALL IN COINS. hey mister, you're being a little to childish. why, ego is hurt isit? you totally deserve it & i despise you, from the bottom of my heart. that guy is a jerk, another jerk. went for blaw lesson, had the test & did presentation, i was standing at the teacher's table to wait for presentation like around an hour plus? all tutors having pms today lah seriously, what is their problem! not only me, everyone said so! okay, i'm soooo reluctant to go & do my POA tuts, but i will try. TRY TO DO.

what's the point of texting me now?

2011-01-22T21:31:00.000-08:00

I'll remember you.

sometimes the harder you fall, the stronger you rise.

boohoo, i've been sleeping at 2plus this few days. when uncle came to our house and see me, he asked my mom : "你的孩子越来越漂亮了 hor，但他每天晚上睡不着 huh?" MY PANDA EYES IS GETTING BAD TO WORSE OMG. this is the biggest problem i'm facing now. cannot cannot, everyday i must sleep early already, i dont want to be ugly at CNY ): because of the accumulation of late sleeping the few months ago...thats why my eyes so jialat. that asshole that made me slept so late every night. freakyou seriously. thinking of it uh, waste my sleeping time sia! no more man no more. the reason why i'm sleeping so late recently is because of projects & works. my mom told her friend : 他不是睡不着，是因为每天做功课和 projects咯！ i'm a daughter of a pretty beautician, & yet someone have to ask her what happen to my eyes!? i need to improve my skinnnn. okay i should stop complaining. hahaha guess what, i painted my nails today! i know i should start studying for my blaw, but... you know my character one right~ HAHAHAH! somemore i everyday going to school for lessons, should care about my appearance awhile *wink wink* i've done 2 of my tuts last night (which made me sleep at 2 -.- ) then today i'm gonna study for my mcq test tmr. DONT PLAY PLAY HOR, i'm still that hardworkinggirl93 (: holiday faster come leh, i'm waiting for you~

&&& why recently got so many ppl attached uh!? my facebook wall is spammed with *someone* is in a relationship with *someone* like that not enough, still need to flirt across such public wall! spare a thought for those who are single can! actually none of my business lah i dont really give a damn, but its just disgusting! HAHAH opps. i shall say again, i lost my faith in love. unless there is somebody who can climb or break the walls in my heart, there is no way for me to trust anyone. EH I SHOULD STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT LIFE. kthxbyeloveyou(:

2011-01-22T01:30:00.000-08:00

Hold my hands

& tell me that i did a good job, will you?

hi, it's a peaceful saturday. i slept 11 hours! slept at 2 woke up at 1. its been a LOOOOOONG time since i slept this long. felt kinda energetic when i woke up. watched tv, eat lunch & continue to watch & help momsy to do her stuff which is quite redundant. but back of my mind kept thinking of "projects & assignments". so after helping mom i took my stuffs out to do. I TOTALLY GAVE UP ON DSS, dont know how to do sia. carried on with my tutorials. had curry fish head for dinner! super sinful, but it's freaking nice! i only ate half bowl of the rice, which makes it NOT as sinful.hahahaha.

i should really praise myself. although random things still make me think of him, but not as much as last time. it's only a week, but it feels like a year since everything happened. perhaps he's another passing crush,oh no he's not just a crush, i'm sure he's more than that. it's because he hurt me too badly, & i realised it's useless to hold on. well i'm not a fickle-minded girl right? (please say i'm not!) hmmm, in class we still exchanged eye contacts, but i'm not the one who initiated hi. & i'm not gonna do so. georgy asked how am i, i told her that i'm not missing him as much as last time, i'm not gonna initiate anything. i'm still gonna smile & say hi, if only you do it first. we're still friends what, of course still must say hi ma. & ya, georgy is attached! congrates to her man~ ya i told some of my friends about her before. of course i would feel happy for her & sincerely hope that her relationship would last long.

lastly to those guys outside, please dont flirt with other girls when you're attached. some bastard came & ask me out, number & all those stupid flirting stuffs. when i went to his profile, whatthehell he's freaking attached & he's asking me out!? i feel like slapping his face man totally. this shows that he doesnt really treat his relationship well, which makes me feel sad for his girlf. honestly saying, i'm losing faith in love.

PS: please, don't be so good to me.

2011-01-20T07:57:00.000-08:00

Heartbreak Hotel

my favourite kind of pain, is in my stomach when my friends make me laugh too hard.

it's 12midnight & i'm blogging here~ i have to wake up at 5plus later on! but whatever, i kinda got used to the sleeping in late & wanting to crash whereever i go.HAHAHA. this week is so hectic, projects projects & projects. i've been doing assignments and projects, do until sian lah! this morning as i have dss elearning, me georgy & anderlin were the only early ones, so we ate our mac breakfast, which made me think of having breakfast before school starts every wednesday. then i shared with them about that and we started talking about our secondary school life. i seriously seriously miss it man. although got alot of things happening lah, but at least that was our entertanment! absence made the heart grow fonder, it's kinda true for me. because if i dont see my u4f8 for more than a week, my whole body will feel damn uneasy. especially what previously happened to me made me EVEN CLOSER to some of my girls. i just wanna say, I LOVE YOU <3 as usual after breakfast we went back to school to do project -.- and for lecture. wa super boring, bth! then after lecture, PROJECT AGAIN! i do until i want to cry uh i tell you! seriously sian lehhhhh. but i felt the sense of accomplishment when i solved the problem when everybody cant do it~ hahaha bitchygirl93. after that i went home & then watch tv & then bathe & then watch tv again & then ASSIGNMENT. i type until my hand want to break ): i feel so bad lah! i asked ray to wait for more than 30mins just to wait for me to send him my assignment so that he could help me print! & i need to thank leonard & bervin for helping me! okay its 1210, i go sleep liao, or not uh i can go to the china zoo & join those panda eat bamboo shoots. BYE LOVE~

2011-01-19T06:09:00.000-08:00

What if?

they make it look so easy connecting with another human being. it's like no one told them it's the hardest thing in the world.

it's the first post after everything happened. i'm back to square one, not really. i dont deny that i still miss him, but i miss the old him. after everything happened, i feel that i dont know him anymore. he is the one who pulled me back & ask me to be his friend, but what? you expect me to call you first? i admit, whatever i did this few days is purposely to let you see that i'm actually happy without you. however when i'm alone, i will think of you again. i know i shouldnt do that, this takes time. being bitchier & sluttier, listening to clubbing or korean songs, going out with friends and reach home late, joking around with everyone, does it really help? i dont know. i felt so dependent on him man, & that feelings suck a big time. but i must stand up at where i fall, i dont want to be brought down, i dont want to be sad anymore, i'm still continuing what i planned to do. i must train myself to become as strong as possible. every little thing that happened made me a little stronger. i watch this tv show just now, and they said a sentence where i ALMOST forgotten, it supposed to be my phrase for the rest of my life! 对敌人仁慈就是对自己残忍。i still want to be a little kind. now? step aside or not i'll kick your balls. i dont mind spending another 70bucks on buying a heels just to kick you. you want to do this right? you want to play this way right? dont you ever regret. mark my words. DONT REGRET, i've got my motivation again. WATCH OUT.

okay i should share something hilarious, when i was walking to the cubicle wanting to bathe, there is one freaking lizard that dropped down from i-dont-know where! omg freaking scary! i start to panic sia! LUCKY everytime i will bring my phone to toilet & listen to songs, so i called debbie & jacinth when this happened, walao they like listening to free show, keep laughing when i'm trying hard to survive fighting the lizard while i'm wet & i only had a towel on me! see how desparate am i omg. my 20mins bathe became 10mins, i have to open my eyes even washing my hair! for this few days i will totally shut the windows in the toilet & stuff towels if i see any possible holes that lizard will invade in I SWEAR I'M SUPER TRAUMATIZED!!! & still got what uh, oh ya, hahaha today i climb up the stairs, another tiring stuff to do EARLY in the morning, then clement was hiding behind the wall & suddenly BOO me, WTH i almost fell back & roll down the stairs! luckily i wasnt wearing heels yknow! then he's like, "eh meimei you okay not!" "OBVIOUSLY NOT LAH WALAO" "okay okay i help you take your lap.. YOUR LAPTOP WHY SO SMALL ONLY" -.- he's my classmate for like 3 months & he didnt know my laptop is actually a netbook, SUPER FAIL. okay i should totally go do my work, or not i dont need to sleep liao! bye dears (:

2011-01-16T04:58:00.000-08:00

Brace myself for the goodbye

i admit, i really miss how things used to be. But i can also admit, that i've accepted the fact things changed.

"It's my life, it's now or never" heard of this song before? uncle just sang this song in the noon & this sentence was in my head for the whole day. celebrated ah ma's birthday at a seafood restaurant at east coast, i'm so gonna bring u4f8 to go there & eat. 30bucks & you can order whatever you like, awesome. but halfway through, i've been thinking whether should i call him or not, and i decided to call him & tell him everything that i've been thinking this week. well, its time for me to live my own life. i'm so sick & tired of being emo and sad. i'm not gonna listen to love songs, not gonna give a damn to his life, not gonna concern about him, not gonna involve anything about him & i'm not gonna fall in love again. you know why? because whenever i like a person, this person would use the same way to hurt me. rmb how i was hurt during sec 2? i was hurt using this method again. again. so what now? every guy i like is gonna love another girl right? fine i've accepted the fact. i'm not gonna commit in anything, just wanna be happy & wild. i'm finding back that old eunice. that eunice who never give a damn to guys she's not interested, that eunice that will always look out for hot guys, that eunice that will not care of her image in front of anybody, that eunice who is a confident & cheerful girl, that bitchy eunice. give me time & i will find that eunice back, for the sake of myself. i dont need anyone who will hurt me using the same old method, i dont need anyone who will think of me when he needed help, i dont need anyone who is fickle minded, i dont need anyone who flirts & give mixed signal. i dont need. i'm gonna wipe away my tears & start a new life. its 2011, although this january really sucks to the max, but i will start anew in febuary. i dont deny that i still like him, but the only thing i can do now is to let time heal me. cousins gave me advices & i really appreciated it. they are my family, i cant really hide anything from them, they showed that the reality is cruel. the most funny thing is 3 of them said, "give him my number, i will scold him till he goes upside down" thankyou girls. for those sisters that tried to talk me out, thanks alot. i think alot of what you guys said & it's true that it's not worth it for me to be sad for him. i'll follow yeong's step, i will give him up. utterly give him up.

as for you boy, i thank you for giving me hell in january 2011. i thank you for letting me experience the sweetness & bitterness of love. i thank you for listening me out when i needed someone. i thank you for being honest. i thank you for making me laugh. i thank you for random calls & texts. i thank you for letting me wake up from this bullshit & carry on with my life. i thank you for letting me having expectations & disappointments.i thank you for making me flying till the sky & drop onto the ground within 1 second. i thank you for everything. honestly i learnt lots of things for you. but sorry, i dont need your sympathy & i dont need you to constantly remind me that i was hurt using that freaking same method. from now on, i'll learn not to depend on others, i'll learn not to receive mixed signals, i'll learn not to invest in any guys, i'll learn how to break ppl's heart instead of allowing ppl to break my heart. i'll learn not to fall for someone who is not ready to catch me., i'll learn not to expect. i'm gonna be more bitchier, sluttier, stronger, happier.WATCH ME.

i want everyone to watch me, watch me how i grow. a boyf? i dont want already.

2011-01-15T07:34:00.000-08:00

One big question mark.

I like to pretend that everything’s alright. Because when everybody else thinks you’re fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you’re not.

went to USS today. i decided to put everything aside and just played till i dropped. indeed, everything was so fun. sat almost all nice rides. & i could really temporarily forgot everything when i'm on the rides. especially the revenge of mummies. i suddenly miss the feeling when i'm on the ride. i cant forget today, i can say that today is the happiest day i had for the past 15 days. the happiest one. i know that my everyday should be the happiest day of my life. i will try to do that, hope that i can do it.

you called when you think of me, not even think... you called when you needed help from me. ya i know at least you called. but you gave me a feeling that you call for the sake of asking a favour, not because you randomly think of me. at least you crap with me awhile & then ask for favour, i will feel happier because i think that you might be thinking of me. but that was not the case. you called several times a day asking the same question. other than that you just kept quiet. okay you might say that your friend is beside you thats why you will kinda feel a little awkward if we're having a normal conversation. then dont give a damn call to me when you dont intend to have a normal conversation & expect me to listen whats your conversation with that guy! you asked "why you so emo?" when i told you that you should go entertain your friend. "no i not emo, dont you think that my voice change already meh?" "erm, no leh" you find any difference because you dont even bother to rmb how i sound, or should i say, you dont even want to bother about my affairs. i know, you did asked why am i sick, and i was a little happier. but after that? you asked for the sake of asking only can? i shouldnt carry my hopes too high to you, i jolly well know that. f-my-life.

2011-01-14T07:43:00.000-08:00

i miss you.

"I'm happy" she lied.

Honestly, I think I wanna die for a moment, even just for a second or two. I want to see how things are when I’m not around. I want to feel like I’m wanted and that I’m loved. But the real thing I want to see is you crying as much or maybe more than the tears that I’ve cried for you. Because right now, there’s no words not even gestures could ever describe the pain I’m feeling. I fell too hard for you and now I’m scared to fall for anyone else because I don’t want things to end up with them the way they were with you.eunice get your facts right please. He ignores you, but you like him. He does nothing, but you fall for him. You miss him, even though you know he’s never thought about you. you know what? the more boys i meet & talk to, the more i realize that it's only him i want to be with him.

2011-01-13T06:11:00.000-08:00

Athazagoraphobia - fear of being forgotten or ignored.

It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.

i know i need to stop being so damn emotional about everything.i know sometimes letting go is much more easier than trying again. i know that others always let me down & i should forget them & do something for myself. i know that if i walk away but no one chase me, i should keep walking.i know that if it doesnt meant to be, it wont happen at all. i know that if one door closes, there is always another door that will be open for me.but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us..i wonder if you ever stop to think: "man i miss her". & you know what? sometimes the simple things mean the most to me. actually i'm saying all this is because i'm trying to avoid.Avoiding something doesn’t always mean that you hate it. It could also mean that you want it so bad but you just can’t have it. It causes to much hurt, so you just simply avoid it. when it really hurt so badly, you cant cry at all. the only thing you can do is just sitting there and stone. ever tried before? understand why i cant sleep every night now? you know what i'm going through now? That awkward moment when you want to text someone, but don’t want to seem annoying or clingy so you don’t text them and then they think you’ve lost interest so they dont text you too. i dont know how to approah you anymore. you're so close yet so far. the reason i dont want to talk to you is because i keep telling myself that, if you wanted to speak to me, you would.I'm waiting for you to say it first so I don't look like a dumbass and say it without you feeling the same way. I'm sorry that I'm not the most interesting person to talk to online, I'm sorry that I always want you to start the convo. I'm sorry I think about you 24/7 and I'm sorry for expecting a lot of you. I'm sorry that there are prettier girls than me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I love you so much.

last question, how do you begin to unlike somebody? isit as easy as unliking a comment on facebook? teach me how to do it. i will donate my assets just to learn how to do that. i sound like a freaking despo, i start to think that i'm a slut & start hate myself. bye.

2011-01-12T05:16:00.000-08:00

Pistanthrophobia- the fear of trusting

Sometimes I'm afraid to be happy, because everytime i'm happy, something goes wrong & hurts.

projects projects projects, how come they are like the water, never ending? one day i must really go to the beach and shout out my lungs. there is just something in my chest, like a black hole, every emotions you can think of, it will be there. i cant vent it out, i cant laugh it out & i cant cry it out. i thought i'm those type of ppl where i can handle stress very well. when i have stress in school, i can just relax when i go out or when i'm at home. but no, now its not in this case. stress i received from everywhere is overwhelming. i dont know what to write because even i say it out, nobody would understand. i tried to listen to high songs and make myself happy today, telling myself that everyday is special, dont waste thme away. but when i step into school, everything changed. i'm alone again. the scariest feeling is when everyone is around me & yet i felt lonely. i felt that no one is gonna save me from this thing and i can never escape. for the past 17 years, i never felt so helpless before, even during o levels period because i still have ppl to help me with those studies. but now? poly, i dont know how to describe. is not i dont want to share, but i dont know how to. what am i suppose to do? i start to lose myself. i cry to sleep every night. this is scary. i dont know myself anymore & i'm afraid i cant find back myself. why can you handle your own problems? why cant you handle stress? arent you always baosting that you can do it you can do it? do what?

i'm not good at studies, i'm not good in my stress management, i'm not good solving in my relationsip problems. i'm not good at anything. this few nights, i've been sitting at my bed and tried to think of a way out. but then i cant figure out. i would be staring at my ceiling and stone. & perhaps, cry. someone told me before, if you met any situation, if you cried, that means you have already accept the fact that the situation is real. i cried is not because i accepted, because i'm in pain. but i really dont want anybody to know about this especially him. i dont want him to know that i'm at my weakest & most helpless point in this 18 years of life.

do you know how i convince myself every single day? aiya, he's just busy / his handphone no batt/ he's busy studying/ he's having problems thats why he never contact me. 4 days, i never hear his voice for 4 days. since i can survive through that 14 days, why not this 4 days? during that 14days when he's not around, i didnt see him at all. no updates no nothing. but this 4 days? i've been looking at him in class. yes i admit that i hope that he will text me or call me at night. i dont mind losing my sleep if i can talk to him. but this isnt happening, and what i've been afraid of is finally happening. the distance is already there. i dont know how to approach him anymore. i tried texting him, because the feeling of missing is really getting bad to worst. but you know what? he didnt reply. i dont know whether he is really that busy or he just dont want to be bothered with me. the only thing i know now is that i really miss him badly. everytime before sleeping i will think of him, waking up the first thought would be "i'll be seeing him later" but when i think of him i will slap my face, telling myself not to think too much. but it isnt working at all. everybody is telling me to give up give up change target, be single is good. I KNOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS SAID IS TRUE. but i just cant do it. i dont know what did he do to me, everyday when i go to school, my eyes will be looking around looking for him. i really tried to be the eunice chua before school starts, but i cant, and i dont know how to do it already. i cant seem to find that cheerful eunice back. i feel so painful & helpless. i also want to be like those ppl who are good in relationships, good in studies & smart where they know how to do every projects.but i'm not. i'm stupid okay. i dont know how to handle my own probelms. i dont know i dont know i dont know.

whats the use of crying every night? does anything change? its my fault in getting this trouble. now even myself dont know how to save myself. everything is my fault. i miss talking to him i miss texting him i miss his long texts i miss his smile i miss his crap i miss his voice i miss his jokes i miss his flirting i miss his horny comments i miss gossiping with him, i miss talking to him till late nights & left a few hours to sleep, i miss everything with him. i'm a fucking failure in life. i'm so sorry friends, i let you down. i dont know how to save myself from this trouble. i cant find back myself. i'm not as nonchalant as you guys see from the outside. i'm not as strong,not as smart as you can think. i dont know what i want for life. for now, i want a shoulder. a shoulder that can take my crying & a listening ears that can listen how painful is my silence. i think i fell a little too hard for him. i didnt expec tthat things will turn out this way. i wont say that i love him till i can die for him, but i dont know how long i need to let go if this gonna continue. i know he wont see this page. i know he wont call me, i know he wont text me, i know he wont ask me out, i know that our feelings wont be mutual. everybody is crazy in love. i'm not. i'm forever alone.

i miss you really much. every single thing made me think of you. your everything. random scenes kept playing in my head & i'm going crazy soon. but i know you wont see this page anyway. we're impossible right? i know. i know very well. i'll be fine without you, someday but not now.

2011-01-10T07:15:00.000-08:00

Bad guy.

There are just certain things in life that are better off unknown, things you wish you never asked, never saw, never heard or never even felt.

sorry, i'm still tired of explaining what's going on with my daily life. mentally & physically i'm really tired, but i dont understand why i just cant sleep at night. my complexion is getting bad to worst & of course, my brain. recently i'm like prone to accidents. i hope nothing will happen to me for this month. this month really sucks. it's only the second week of the year & i'm already complaining, what is this? i know we should count our blessings & not what we're missing, but tell me how to do that? i tend to compare my life with others' life, & i accomplish nothing. if i'm gonna fail DSS this sem, my life is ruined, nobody can help me. i think i should start saving money to go overseas & study since singapore is way too fast-pace for a slow-witted girl like me. sigh i really want to cry everything out, the feelings that stuck at my chest is making me sick. i start to hate everything, except for being with my frens. they can make me laugh & smile, but that seems to be a short while only. i'm afraid that i'm losing my soul, my smile & my laughter. i didnt expect myself to fall this deep into this trap, & guess what, i cant seem to get out... i know that if it's meant to be happen, it will eventually happen, but humans, they will have expectations. i'm also another ordinary girl that expects & eventually get her disappointments.As much as I’m enjoying his company I’m afraid to get used to it because people tend to leave just when i start getting comfortable with them. i'm like a jinx, those who are strong enough to be with me, they will stay forever. those who are not, they will tend to leave & left me alone. you know what makes me hate myself the most? creating scenarios in my head that will never happen in real life. i really have no idea what is gonna happen next.......

2011-01-09T07:54:00.000-08:00

Kainotophobia- the fear of changes.

The moment when you hear something you really didn’t want to know and it feels as if your heart is literally breaking.

my confession?

The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don’t care at all.And sometimes we joke, and sometimes we’re serious. Sometimes we’re just random talking and sometimes we don’t talk at all. But not sometimes, but all of the times I feel comfortable with you, and I trust you with every word I say. You’re more than a friend.I miss you once again. I was doing so well. I thought I was getting along, but it comes in waves. And when I hear your name, when I see the summer stars. It’s back to that very night when you slipped away. The pain lingers on in the back of my mind.

i'm too tired to really update what happened to me this few days. i'm having insominia, a very serious one. i might need someone to knock me down & then i can sleep well. i really hate it when every single thing makes me think of him. i start to feel afraid, afraid that i cant let go. i'm afraid that we'll get drifted apart, i'm afraid of everything that might change... every night before i sleep, this is what i will think, sleeping with the 'afraid' feeling. tell me how to sleep peacefully? i dont want anybody to be worried, but smiling doesnt mean i'm happy.

2011-01-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

because of you, i tried my hardest just to forget everything.
i know it's over, & it never really began
but in my heart, it was so real.
i smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything's perfect pretend i'm really strong..
but you dont know how much i wanna talk to you.
it is hard to stay positive when nothing ever goes right.
girls just want someone to wants them back;
at least thats what i want.

you know what? i start to doubt my smile & laughter. even though i laugh, it's not deep from the heart & that's scares me.

2011-01-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

Girls

I've been wishing for somebody to be mine.But now,i'm gonna wish for something else-the maturity to realize he wouldnt be mine & i'll still be fine. I think what hurts the most is having this perfect picture of what could be, should be, but didn't happen.

2011-01-04T02:26:00.000-08:00

Escapism

The tendency to from daily reality or routine by indulging in daydreaming, fantasy or entertainment.

i've not been here for 3 days.yea i admit i'm a little lazy & kinda busy with school work plus some entertainment, so didnt bother to on my com & update. first 4 days of 2011 is really screwed up. first day of school WORST, i almost fainted in the train where i cant see & hear anything at all. my legs dont have any strength to stand at all so i just fall on the floor in the train. i cant even be bothered whether is others looking at me or not because i'm really in pain. lucky anton leonard & nyu is there to block me and lead me the way to the bus stop, or not i think i'll roll down the escalator. go back to school then realized that my grp is suppose to present our answers to the class, but i didnt do it at all. after that i also got to know that we are getting back our results. omg do you know that the feeling of that waiting period is a torture? i finally know how pigs feel when they know that they are waiting to get slaughtered.today? yea i had cramps again. & i was alone, i really wanted to call somebody to come & help me but to think again, how ppl can help when i'm having cramps? so i just have to walk slowly to the green line at outram park station. i'm kinda worried for my tummy. &&& me, sick-recover-sick-recover..till now sick again. its only the starting of the year & this is how suay it is.

2011-01-01T03:27:00.000-08:00

1.1.11

when you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses, no lies & no broken promises.

could i really make a wish for this special date? nah, i wont fall into this make-a-wish-&-miracles-will-happen trap. on this so called special day, i spend my day at home with my parents. pack the store-room,watch tv,lunch & fell asleep on my sofa. i slept at 5 last night & didnt have a good sleep after that. thats why i literally doze off while i'm watching tv. i still cant believe that its 2011 now. i'm gonna be 18 this year. looking back at my life, i achieve nothing, which is kinda sad. i should spend more time doing something meaningful. to think that exams is end of febuary and i have to change class again, this thought scares me. this april & i'm year 2. what am i doing this timing at 2010? i'm still partying like nobody's business. now? projects assignments,presentations, tutorials & exams. no life man seriously. if i have to think positive, i still have only 4 more semester before i graduate. by then i have to think what to do again. but will this year be as fast as 2010? i hope so.

2010-12-31T03:31:00.000-08:00

2010? 2011?

Someday, somewhere,somehow,someone.

It's the last day of 2010.i spent this day with my u4f8. went to airport & had lerk thai for lunch. as i cant really bite, so i just ordered a tomyam soup & rice, its quite nice actually. before we start, debbie gave us a card & let us write to ourselves in 10years time. i kinda of forget what i wrote, but i didnt write alot though. & after lunch we start to exchange christmas gifts. i've got cherie's one, a set of mickey mouse earpiece, it's useful & i've never seen this before. coool. as we ate alot & was freaking full, we went around the WHOLE airport & tried to digest. we went to T1 & T2 for starbucks. but in the end only liting & yeong bought, the rest went to Mc Cafe & have a drink. as usual, we sit in one circle & start chatting what happened last time & this year. i miss talking to them like that, so memorable. went home at 5plus with johnny debbie & huiling. when i reached home, i start sneezing like nobody's business. my house is like colder than outside. & i have some report to do later. this is how i spend my last day of 2010.

i know he's coming back tonight. i actually checked what flight he's taking & around what time he will land. apparently, i dont know anything. i really feel like slapping myself, i'm actually expecting & hoping that he'll call or give me a text when he landed. he dont have any obligations to do so. what am i expecting for? what am i hoping for? i'm expecting something out of nothing again. this mistake have been repeating since a few thousand days ago. but i dont know how to stop it,seriously. Perhaps debbie's right : 'just dont expect lah.' just tell me how to do it & i'll follow your instructions. this is really tiring. i cant stop thinking of him during random times. & when i think of him, i will just beat myself on my lap or palm, to stop me from thinking. i hope i dont get any bruises for doing that. there was once somebody who told me this, " eh walao, my girlf& her friends watching horror, i dont know whether want to go or not!" "just go lor, if you're not scared~" " of course i scared lah! horror leh!" "then dont go lah!" "but my girlf also scared what!" get the point? my friend is scared of horror, but despite of being scared, my friend still want to go & protect the girlf. would someone even do this for me? debbie was asking me, will we have our another half next christmas? for me? i doubt so.

New Year Reflection:
1)this year pass like the speed of light.
2)went to a new school without u4f8 around me.
3)lucky enough to know good people & friends.
4)who says poly can slack like pig?
5)glad to be closer to u4f8 despite we're at different school ; separation make us closer.
6)i went crazy over kpop.
7)changed class in a new semester with another 4 girls.
8)know new people again.
9)someone stepped into my life & screwed up my year-end.
10)i never feel like this before.
11)went to Taiwan & had fun. spent lot of money.
12)thought i could forget him, & it failed.
13)i finally know what is 有些爱越想抽离却越更清晰;最痛的距离是你不在身边,却在我的心里

New Year Resolution
1)change my temper,not getting agitated that easily.
2)save more money.
3)grow taller & prettier.
4)meet more nice people.
5)u4f8 & babydolls to be happy.
6)be stronger & confident than ever.
7)improve in studies & not get distracted by anything
8)concentrate on studies & not anything else.
9)able to harden my heart & not to fall in love again.
10)be a bitch that not caring others' opinions.
11)not falling into any trap anymore.
12)slap guys who let me have second thoughts & give me mixed signals w/o telling me what they're thinking.
13)sleep earlier than 12midnight.
14)not having butterflies in my tummy & anyone in mind.
15)not gonna get attach to anyone anymore.
16)believe only in myself ; not believing that 11:11 wishes & prayers or even miracles would work on me.
17)accept something that i couldnt change.
18)No expectations, no disappointments.
19)not gonna expect something out of nothing.
20)just dont fall in love...

2010-12-30T04:30:00.000-08:00

Serendipity

I can't explain how painful it is to wait for something that never comes.

i still dont have the inspiration to blog yet, but i'm boring. thats why i'm here. went to celebrate steph's birthday. woke up early in the morning & got prepare. decided to walk to mrt station as the weather was nice. i tend to think when i'm alone. when the wind blows towards my face, i felt comfortable. i like walking during good weather not because it can make my mood high, but because though i feel sad & start to think, i still feel comfortable. took train to TPY & meet the rest of babydolls. went to gina's house to decorate cake & card for steph. i swear its damn disastrous. went out to meet her @ around 12 plus. we surprised her at Long John Silvers' by giving the cake to the manager and asked her to pass to steph. she was in total shock when she received our cake & balloons. succeeded in surprising her. then we ate & go to watch The Tourist. it was okay, but its kinda disappointing, not as exciting as i thought it will be. see, this is how expectations works on me. went home after that, my teeth isnt feeling well. Mae was with me & we chatted. she asked me " eh hows you & purple bag boy??" "hahaha nothing happened & nothing will happened!" " WHY!?" "no reasons." & awkward silence. then i smiled & asked her other stuffs. she got back the topic to me again, and i told her, "actually last time, when i received his text & calls, it's a surprise. i dont know when i start to expect something from him, surprise became disappointment." she kept quiet & then say, 'it sucks to be you man" .

he's coming back tmr. some part of me is anticipating it, some part of me dont want him to be back.

PRIDE

Implication of this terrible disease:
1) You dont wanna be the one to do the first step just to be with someone.
2) You always try to hide your feelings.
3) You dont want others to know that you're hurt.
4) You're afraid to tell someone that he is special.
5) You're afraid of losing someone but afraid to show it.
6) You're afraid to love someone whom you think cant love you back.
7) You're so aware of what others think that you cant do what you want.
8) You're not happy.
9) In the end, you end up losing everything without even trying to have it.

this is me. i have too much pride in me.

2010-12-29T08:09:00.000-08:00

给我一个理由忘记你

if only you knew how much i think about you.

hi i'm back from taiwan.i still haven post any photos, so wait for it. & i have put my bottom braces, it start to hurt now. sighhh, i ate alot in taiwan. i think i will do this, i will post one day by one day. & photos too. so i will rmb what i do everyday in taiwan. when i watching tv, i heard this song, which is my title now, its really very nice! i dont really have the mood to blog today, maybe because i still haven get used to the environment.

PS: i failed, i didnt manage to let him go. i didnt manage to not think of him everyday. i didnt manage to not think of him & those stuffs we talked about on the bus. i didnt manage to not miss him. i didnt manage to forget about him...

只是哪怕周围再多人感觉还是一个人
每当我笑了心却狠狠的哭着
给我一个理由忘记那麽爱我的你
给我一个理由放弃当时做的决定
有些爱越想抽离却越更清晰
那最痛的距离是你不在身边
却在我的心里
当我走在去过的每个地方
总会听到你那最自由的笑
我找不到理由忘记大雨里的别离
我找不到理由放弃我等你的决心
有些爱越想抽离却越更清晰
那最痛的距离是你不在身边
却在我的心里
我想你

2010-12-23T02:46:00.000-08:00

Airplanes.

I dont know what is the point anymore. everytime i realize it's 11:11 i freak out and i close my eyes tight. contemplating what to wish for and all the things i can but no matter what ideas come to my mind, i'll always wish for you, every time.

it's chirstmas eve's eve. i'm flying off tmr. it has been a year since i took an airplane. did i mention before that i really love singapore's airport? everytime i'm there, i feel that i'm not in singapore, i'm in some wonderland. it has everything, literally everything. it's so different from town. so i like to go to the airport. i have to wake up quite early tmr, to catch the plane around 8 plus? i'm travelling with huimin again, she's another crazy girl. && mom just told me that its kinda cold in taiwan now coz for the next few days its gonna rain, and my clothings arent that thick, whatever it is, if it really gets very cold, just buy any clothing or jackets i spot there. i just made a list of ppl that i need to buy xmas souvenir for, and omg, its more than 30 ppl. the money i have.... i dont know whether it's enough or not. should have asked my parents to change more,sigh. however... i still dont have that oh-tmr-i'm-going-overseas-&-have-fun de feel. maybe tmr morning i'll have.

You really love him, don't you?
A simple psychological question. no name is mentioned, but someone suddenly came into your mind.
i came across with this tumblr question, & yea someone did came into my mind. i admit, i still miss him very badly. but you know what's my wish now? to let him go before i come back to singapore. i have 5 days to do that. i hope when i'm back, i would be able to tell everyone that he's just another passing crush. i would sound like some sluts that change crush like how they change clothes, but...why not just let it go when i know that there is no possibilities, right? i hope i could be so nonchalant...

2010-12-22T03:44:00.000-08:00

Atelphobia

A kid once said: "Love is when someone hurt you & you got so mad but you didnt yell at them 'cause you know, it will hurt their feelings too"

hi. have you eaten your tang yuan? i've eaten mine at hougang mall, plus my dinner too. i woke up in the state of shock this morning, and its apparently early as its only 10plus. but i cant go back to sleep, the dream was too real. some disaster stuffs, and the worst thing is, i dreamt of him. anyway, after brushing my metal teeth, i ate breakfast & watch tv at the same time. after that, i did the household chores willingly. surprised? i really had nothing to do. but i left my phone one side today, didnt have any impt text anyway. going to skypark later. abit random lah, but whatever, i'm not the one paying. so i'm gonna be a one-day-tourist, go there and camwhore. heard the night view of spore is really beautiful.

saw the phrase above? it made me think of that particular morning when he cant go out & sent a text about it. i was really angry and i shouted in my room, no one was at home. i blasted my music and went back to sleep, ignoring his text. i was awakened by another text, and realised i didnt reply him. so i texted him and went back to sleep. he replied, but i ignored. after a few mins, he called. "hello are you angry? dont angry lah, i'm really really sorry" "nope i'm sleeping" "dont lie! i know it when you're angry" "i'm really not,why should i get angry for?i also cant do anything what" "okay i know you're angry, dont angry please. i bring you out next time k" shit , i still can rmb what he say. i should just say "ya i'm freaking angry, dont want to talk to you today,bye" and end the call. why the hell i still chatted with him till afternoon? i didnt know whether i will hurt his feelings or not, but i know if i let him know that i'm angry,i will seem to be a bitch. but whatever, it's the past now. no use saying this anymore.

2010-12-21T07:55:00.000-08:00

Reminisce.

Love is the easiest thing there is. It’s the layers of doubt, fear, and expectation that make it complicated.

reached home quite late yesterday, and was kinda exhausted, so didnt update. went out with desmond jiahui & liting. before that, i told myself that i cannot make the day be ruined, so i decided to just put down everything and have fun. went astons & ate my grilled fish with herbs. it had been a long time since i ate that. watched rapunzel at 440. that was a really nice movie. i.. totally can feel the pain of rapunzel when she looked at eugene's backview and just left on the boat. there was a few scenes that i found really touching, i cannot forget one is the.. lighting up of lanterns, just to search for the lost princess. & both of them are at the boat, looking at the lanterns flying up. it was beautiful. the ending was of course predictable. after that, went to vivo's daiso and shop for my travel stuff. hang around in tangs for more than 30mins just for liting to get her freaking bag. but whatever, i got my bag free which its kinda worth. went home after that & start to pack my luggage.

however, life isnt any fairytale, it's not happy-ever-after,the end. for the past few days, i'm getting bad to worst. really. i cant explain why, but its just bad to worst. i start to rmb every single thing, or should i say, reminisce every single thing. i'm wondering which part of the world he's at now, can he get use to the jet lag, did he wear enough clothings, will he be in any danger in such a huge country, is he seeing the same moon as me.... but, i think if he's back, nothing will change from now. no texts, no calls. i start to get used to this. everything is back to normal, just that my heart isnt there anymore. i swear, i can feel that whatever thing i do, my heart will be at somewhere else. i must find back my heart before he's back. it's a must. oh, mom asked me whether i've any crush now, the first person i thot was him,but then i smiled and say "no". that's gonna be my answer, for the rest of my life. if i dont want to get hurt, i should not have any crush in the first place, i should not have any feelings in the first place. i wont be a slut saying that i would just date any guys, because i will only date if only i'm interested. no interest, no date, no love. i should just shave my hair and be a nun.

Faith,Hope,Love; which one is the most important?

2010-12-19T05:24:00.000-08:00

Presents? Presence?

The fact that everything will be alright, does not necessarily make anything all right now.

i'm a pathetic soul, i need music to actually keep my mood high up. once the music stop, i'll be hit right to the ground.Sunday, how would you spend it? for a few years, i've been staying at home and either study or rot at this wonderful day. my parents will go out dating, friends would be with their family. i'll only have dinner with my family at night. for the whole afternoon i have to entertain myself. i packed my room today, & found that movie ticket. i initially thought that i've lost it, so i didnt go search for it. but i found it just now, have that 'oh gosh it's back to me' de feeling. packed here cleaned there, kept myself occupied for that hour or plus. but when i finished everything, all emotions rushed back to my head.i started to think again. i cant stand that so i went out to living room and start to watch boring shows, which successfully kept me occupied. i dont want anyone to ask me whether i'm in love or out of love, thats why i stopped tweeting about such stuffs on twitter. why? because i dont know how to reply those qns. i dont know where to start and where to end. it's useless to tell them the whole story because no one understands.no one would understand why am i doing this to myself like i'm killing myself bit by bit. this is a numbing process, the more i hurt myself, the lesser injuries i will get if others were to hurt me, get it?

i wish you would call me up & tell me how much you miss me, & how much you miss everything with me. but i know it's impossible...

2010-12-18T04:50:00.000-08:00

Lost Track Of Time.

that feeling where you have so much to say, to let out but you just can't because you're scared that things a different way which will just screw everything up and plus you feel like no one understands you.

went to dye my hair with mom, dad say i look so different from yesterday, which i dont really think so. walked around after that, bought a birthday present for fides, its her 2nd birthday tmr. when she open the wrapper, she went WOW, because its her favourite barney bag. fonsol was disappointed because he expected us to give him something too. when his sister open the wrapper, he looked at me with the disappointing look, and then turn to check whether is there more in the plastic bag. but when i promised him that we will buy something nice from taiwan, he smiled,immediately. see, this is how powerful promises can be. but what if i forget to buy him souvenir? what if i only rmb buying for his sister? he will end up crying. i think the first thing when i reach taiwan i will find something for fonsol first, i dont want him to be disappointed and cry as i know that feeling. before going off, i think i have to rush all my projects. i dont want to have any burden when i'm travelling. when i travel, thats the only time i can let go of everything and just think of myself. i hope this year will also be like that. i hope.

i never want to text anyone first because i dont want to be a bother to you, i dont want to feel like i'm bothering you, i dont like anticipating your reply and waiting forever, i dont want to be interrupting you if you're busy, i dont want to wake you up, i dont want you to think that i'm some clingy ass person ; because if someone wants to talk to me, they would.

2010-12-17T04:41:00.000-08:00

17-9

Bon voyage

i think i seriously screwed up my CTs. there isnt any paper that i'm super confident that i will pass. like today, i did finish my paper at 935 and went out. i went to the toilet to check my answers and there was lots of mistakes. then i went out of CC, steph, ella & gina was there and said eh you okay not? i replied, no i made lots of mistake. steph & ella changed a phrase & made me smile : DONT CRY BECAUSE IT HAPPEN, SMILE BECAUSE IT'S OVER. (it suppose to be 'dont cry because it's over, smile because it happen') so anyway, waited for the rest to come out & we headed to town. we forbid ella to talk for half an hour, and she really did it. but i have to play hangman with her through out the bus ride. then we just went around walk walk and chat chat. ate Ramen Ten, it wasnt as good as i thot. &&& we wanted to watch Rapenzul, but the first 2 slots were all sold out, so we just went to one corner & cam-whore. i realised its been a long time since i smile towards a camera. after that we went to 313 and ate yami yogurt. i went home after that coz i was tired.

my heart raced damn quickly when i see him at the exam hall. i felt like my heart is jumping out, i dont know why that will happen. as usual, he finished his paper within 1 hour and he left. i saw his backview & i was distracted. how was i distracted? his smile suddenly pop out in my head, & his voice.

okay i have incoming call, bye.

2010-12-15T21:58:00.000-08:00

16-8

Never get yourself too attached to anyone as attachment leads to expectations and expectations lead to disappointments.

decided to blog in the noon instead of night coz i need to study now, but my head just cant concentrate. i off my phone last night,but i still worried that would he call me at night, what an ass am i. when i woke up today, my first thought was, oh, he's flying tmr, what was the timing again? FREAK. he's there when i'm going to sleep, & he's still there when i woke up. just, take my life please. a part of me hope this is gonna be a passing crush as if its just another passing crush, i wouldnt be in pain and this is will be over very very soon. but another part of me hope that this would be a serious one as i proved that i'm not a fickle-minded girl. this is freaking indecisive, what is happening to me omg. sometimes i hope that somebody would just knock me down and make me forget everything. this is abit too much for me take. yes i'm trying very hard to make myself busy because i dont want to think of him. i do work, i watch tv, i play games, i drink coffee, i walk around, i see the scenery outside my house, i go on tumblr, i do whatever things. but when those things came to an end, his image would be on my mind again. when i closed my eyes, i would see how he smile and what he did to make me smile, i opened my eyes and found myself shivering. this had never happen before, never in my life. i found myself getting too attached to him. i was wrong from the start, i shouldnt even let him step into my life. i should just ignore his texts and calls. i should dao him when he say hi to me. but i failed. i failed badly, very badly. gosh, tell me what to do,tell me what to do to stop this. i've been moaning like there is no tomorrow, because i cant see that when i'll be happy again. i cant see & that scares me.

i'm tired of guessing.

2010-12-15T05:31:00.000-08:00

15-7

but it's time to face the truth, i will never be with you.

i think i slacked for the whole day today, as nothing went into my head. went to gina's house to study. there were 8 of us. went for breakfast before going to study, had a quiet breakfast till ella came. she just cannot stop talking, which i thank her for that. once she start talking, all i have to do is shut my mouth and listen to her crap. finished with breakfast, headed to buy snacks and go to gina's house. start studying for 2plus hours, was writing notes about maec. then behind me start to have laughters. the girls start to play. then we start to eat like nobody's business. until 4, they went to buy food, and i was with xw & adila & mae in the room. they came back with my chilli crab cup noodle and went to eat with adila mae & ella. we chatted for about an hour plus. & yea we were exchanging secrets. today is the day, i laughed really hard. thanks to the 6 girls that went to study with me. well, they somehow knew that i was not in any good mood so they just crap around to make me laugh. & of course, advices. i didnt really say my story, but their advices just somehow apply on my situation. i wasnt able to study at all today, i felt so awful, if you know why. i woke up early today with a dream. f that dream seriously,ruined my morning. sometimes i think that i should be nonchalant and treat as nothing happen. i know that one day i would say that wtf why am i so dumb. but now? i cant control the feelings & the thoughts.

i should stop checking my phone for his texts & calls, i should stop checking my msn for him to be online, i should stop checking facebook for his comment. i'll only get stabs of disappointment everytime.you gave me a sweet, telling me that its yummy ,even you cant resist it. the wrapping was nice, so i took it and place it in my mouth.yes the outer layer was nice, but when i taste it for a longer time, it start to turn bitter. you tricked me and told me that hey thats actually a bitter medicine. i want to spit it out, but i also want to taste it longer, see whether will it turn sweet. day by day, it's getting bitter and bitter. it's killing all bacteria in me, good & bad. smart ppl will immediately spit it out and give you a slap across the face. i'm the dumbass that actually hope that you will tell me that after the bitterness would be the core of the sweet, which is my favourite chocolate. i doubt anybody could understand this. because you've never went through this before. eunice you're a pathetic soul, really pathetic. you cant never rely on anyone,never.

i saw your face, in the crowded place. i dont know what to do, coz i'll never be with you.
there must be an angel with a smile on her, when she thought up that i should be with you...
but its time to face the truth, i can never be with you.
-James Blunt "You're Beautiful"

2010-12-14T03:45:00.000-08:00

14-6
open my eyes, it was only just a dream.

i woke up early in the morning wanting to go for tutorial, in the end? everybody said that they dont want to go. i was being ps, again. isit so easy to ps me? friends, family, parents, you. they never fail to do that. i got used to that again. i cant be angry, i cant be upset. what can i do? i continued to watch tv. my mom asked me whether i wanna go out and shop or not. i just agreed and went out. i didnt check my phone for the whole day. somebody text me, i didnt reply. somebody call me, i didnt answer. sorry but i just dont feel like talking today. even i go out with my mom, she asked me whether i'm dumb or what. i'm inside the world of my own, i was listening to my ipod and walk around. went to omma's shop to shop and spent money of course. i spent alot, but the most shocking thing is my mom didnt say anything and paid for me. i somehow think that there is something wrong with me so she dont bother to ask and just pay. thanks mom for leaving me alone. went home at around 4plus and had a half-an-hour nap. gonna study later.

oh, i almost forgot that i still have visitors to my little space. to those who sent text to me, i really appreciate it. sorry for not replying, because i dont know what to say. if i just reply a thankyou, yes it will be very polite of me, but its just weird. but yea, thanks. i also needa say sorry for those who called me, but i know the calls arent that impt, so i didnt pick up. my apologies.

a little secret today. when my phone vibrates today, i secretly hope that it was from you. actually nothing changed. i'm the one making a drama of my own. instead of letting you to hurt me, i rather hurt myself first. i should avoid you, but i dont know where to avoid to. i'm afraid i see you again i might fall even deeper. i rather strangle myself till i cant breathe first, so when i see you next time, i can be nonchalant and act as nothing happen to me. but you know whats my greatest fear now? i might forget your laughter, soon.

2010-12-13T05:26:00.000-08:00

13-5

screw my brain, why cant i think of such simple answers? 6 marks just fly away in front of me. sigh, but its over. another 4 days is my maec paper, shall rest today & start studying tmr.

watched some show at channel 8, something name as dream potter. true, there is lots of ppl more pathetic than me, they are more pitiful than me. i know, i know that. from young, i'm always alone. playing my toys again, eating my meals alone, doing hw alone. my parents were busy working. since young i told everybody, no i'm not lonely because i have tv. all aunties & uncles kept on asking the same type of question. i got used to the loneliness, thats why my answer. i always thot that whenever i need somebody, there will always be a person be there. sorry, i took things for granted. even friends have their own troubles, how isit possible to make them more trouble again?i'll be more independent, more independent.

hi..i miss your voice, freaking badly.

2010-12-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

12-4

"if i dont write out what i'm thinking, i'll go crazy soon."

this is what i found on tumblr, which is true for me for this period of time. i've been neglecting this blog for a few thousand years. its time i should just blog everyday, even for 5 minutes. i realized that its kinda good to write out whatever you can think now, as when times goes by, this blog will be an evidence to see how my life went, which most of my posts are all about shit stuff happened to me.

tmr is blaw, & the timing for the paper is damn stupid, from 430 to 530 at the evening, where most of the teenagers are having their afternoon nap. this seriously sucks i swear. i hope i wont feel sleepy when i'm doing work. my purpose of coming to write post today? i'm just slacking around, procrastinating whether should i continue study or not. i hate it when the problem is right in front of me and yet i cant solve. i hate it when i have to fight the battle alone. i hate it when i feel shitty but i cant do anything. do you know whats the feeling of crying without tears?i like to make myself very tired and then just lie on the bed and crash, so i dont have the energy to let my imagination run wild. for the past few days, it is this case. i cant even bother to explain to my parents why am i so tired when i talk to them on the phone. they know i'm having exams, so they also hardly knock on my door and ask stupid questions, i needa thank them for this. in school, i also cant be bother to talk much saying how much i study & how am i afraid of failing the paper because i know no one can help me. so why the hell should i share this trouble with others when they also having the same trouble as me? its useless to go to school and tell everybody hey i'm scared, but no one is there to say you can do it. no one. dont mention you, even me myself wants to know whats gonna on with me. i tried to be happy, i tried to be cheerful, i tried to forget everything and just have fun. but whenever i'm alone, there is no excuse for me to fake a smile and say hi i'm happygirl93. when i'm alone, i tend to think. think which road should i go, which step should i take, which way is the best for me.predictably, nothing comes out, & i would wonder to else where.

he..cut his hair. okay i'm letting my mind go everywhere again. moreover, its not my business, shouldnt give a damn.its none of your business eunice, you should just shut up and study. you'll never find your happiness, get it?

2010-12-11T03:14:00.000-08:00

DAY 11-3

actually the counting down previously was like abit wrong, changed it into this format instead. i cant believe that songs can change my mood this fast. i was listening to Just A Dream and allowed my second thoughts to run all over my mind. the next minute when my ipod change song to King Of Anything, i was a'lil happier and start to count cars that pass by.the rhythm of a song is really impt to me, it can literally change my mood like how you flip a page. fast uh? thats me. i'm still not that hopeless, i'm just afraid that my mood will never change even i'm listening to Teenage Dream.

POA is a tricky bitch today, not many ppl could balance it, including me. sigh. i'm a failure, one foolish failure. i always told myself not to expect something in return in order not to get the feeling of disappointed. but i expected that the paper will be do-able, i expect myself to solve all problems, i expect myself to balance those income statements. & in the end? i screwed up. screwed everything upside down. Lesson learnt; NEVER EVER have any expectations, you'll NEVER EVER feel disappointed, get it eunice?

yesterday at gina's house, i was the only one sitting at the table because i know i would not be able to concentrate. but i end up thinking about us. i'm thinking..just you. you seems like a dark hole, i want to come out but i cant. i want to stop falling but i'm getting deeper.i dont want you to be the one that i'm gonna fall hard for,i dont want you to be the one i will place the first priority, take it as i'm just covering up my feelings for you with some sand bags. dont ask why. Nothing change actually, i shouldnt put myself in a situation like the world's gonna end.i should just stop procrastinate and continue to be that follish little innocent girl that put herself above others. but i realized i cant do it anymore. i'm always alone. from young till now. and forever will be. i built walls around me to find out who is able to climb over and touch my heart. however, everytime i fall, the walls will be higher,level by level.i barely breathe thru this heart-wall, i cant see the world outside. i know there is ppl outside are more pathetic than me, but how are we suppose to help them? no one knows.

i shouldnt have do that, it's a mistake. A BIG MISTAKE. i'm a dumbass.a dumbass that trying to salvage the situation & yet i made it worst. seriously, take my life now.

hey, this is life. you can complain, but nothing will change for you.

{edited}

2010-12-10T05:03:00.000-08:00

DAY 2,

tomorrow is gonna be my exams and yet i still have time for twitter, tumblr,facebook & this little space. i dont know whether i studied too much or too little, seems like nothing went in. i'm so screwed. my life is totally upside down, i feel so giddy all of the sudden. its the same thing all over again, i've been thinking even i'm studying, what a distraction. bloodyhell. had a walked from my house to interchange today, weather was so comfortable. if i dont have any exams, i might spend my time at the beach. dont ask me why am i counting days for, i'm not in the mood to tell you. want to share my emotions? imagine you're a whale out of the water.

2010-12-09T07:25:00.000-08:00

DAY 1.

eventually, this day will come. i'm just not trying to anticipate it only.Now i'm just keep studying and revising, you can say i'm distracting myself. whatever you may say, because even i myself dont know what am i doing. the thing i should to do now is to concentrate on my exams first. luckily i'm studying with babydolls tmr, or not i dont know what will i end up to be doing, perhaps sleeping or watching tv.

though i knew this day will come, but its just not that realistic.

2010-12-07T04:01:00.000-08:00

NO EXPECTATIONS.

hello world.

gonna spend a little time in this little space. i realised that i always come back here whenever i'm thankful, sad or very emo. so this post is kinda predictable as i'm having a hectic week, or maybe this 2 weeks. assignments, presentations, exams and the worst thing is, unreasonable teacher. since school reopen, that was the first time i felt sooooo angry towards a teacher and tend to be disrespectful to him. i wont apologise as it wasnt our fault, stop asking us to carry that stupid responsibilities and push the blame to us. did you even help us to salvage the situation? if not then just shut up. i wish you could just disappear.

anyway, i've been sitting long bus ride home and think alot on the bus. i've decided to just be friends. being friends means that i should stop expecting and there will be no more disappointments. he taught me lots of stuffs & i think the most important thing that he taught me is the patient of waiting. we shared lots of stories. i dont know why but i just feel like telling him everything that happen on that particular day. this month is kinda happening only, lots of things happened. tumblr taught me that No expectations, no disappointments. make your everyday a surprising day. after some period of time, i realised that i've been expecting something out of him. i should pull out all feelings before it starts to plant any love seeds in my heart. there was a few times that i really felt very different. what he did to me is also quite sweet. i really felt different. but i dont want to get into a relationship because i'm lonely or jealous, i want to get in love because i love him. & the feelings is just so uncertain. i dont even know what am i thinking, dont mention anyone out there. i stop expecting, 'cause i dont like the disappointed feeling. a few days ago, i read through our texts and found myself smiling to the phone, as out convo is really funny. since i've to stop expecting, think i should just delete those texts and avoid myself from getting too close to you. we are left a few months in the same class, this was also one of the reasons i should stop falling into this bottomless pit. yea you're a bottomless pit, i felt different when i'm with you. you look different everytime i see you. not that you wear different clothings everyday, but its just that feeling there. & if i never see wrongly, i think you went to cut your hair right? i dont want to make myself think so much as i really dont know what you're thinking. your mixed signals and my second thoughts. i dont want to feel extraordinary, feeling like i'm flying in heaven for this minute, but dropped into hell for the next minute. maybe its just my insecurities. of course, we're still best friends. i'll keep everything from you, everything. though i know that you wont be able to visit this site, but i just feel like spilling all out, then i could concentrate on my studies. you told me about your future plans & what you intended to do, i'm kinda glad that you know your way to future. i hope this special relationship between us would last long. this would be a secret between me & me. everytime you tell me when you're unhappy or you hate your life, i would be there telling you positive things & when i'm unhappy, you would be there teasing me to laugh. i still rmb once you said before, if i'm angry and walked away, you would hold me back and make me happy again,though i know this wont be happening..please be happy, at least for now. maybe a few months later i would be able to let you go and stop caring about you. but for now, please show me that you're happy so i can be happy too. smile more, hang out more with your friends and just love life. somehow i know you can do it, without me. i'll try doing that without you. i hate this feeling, but there is always one part of me hoping you're beside me when i'm doing a particular thing, like when i'm walking around some shopping mall and saw something that suits you, i wound want to call you and tell you about it, but you aint mine, its useless telling you. when i'm eating, i would be thinking how you're telling me that how many calories are there in this bowl of food. when i'm on the train, i rmb how we chatted from one end to another end of singapore. thankyou for all those memories. i wont forget that. i wont regret knowing you, as you're one of the people that able to make me laugh and smile like nobody business after school starts.thanks for standing beside me whenever bad things happened. & hey, i miss you so. but, goodbye.

From tumblr:
-Note to self: I can talk to him all I want, text him day & night, get to know him better, be closer to him BUT don’t fall in love with him UNLESS he really likes me.
-Everytime I find the key to happiness, someone changes the lock.
-dear heart, so there's this guy you want me to like but i dont want to, so can you stop beating so fast when he comes by.
-sometimes,the best way to stay close to someone you love is by being just a friend.
-i'm always searching for something better.
-Some relationships are like Tom & Jerry. They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.
-EXPECTATIONS IS THE ROOT OF ALL HEADACHES.

2010-10-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

www.sunflowerpromise.tumblr.com

go visit & follow if you want to, kthanksbye (:

2010-10-18T05:52:00.000-07:00

LOVE LIGHT

hello loves~

this might be the last post of the month, 'cause school is reopening! sigh, firstly everyone decided to get into the same class no matter how bad is the timetable, now? 'cause LOTS of ppl choose, so even you are late for a few seconds, if you cant see the class in the box, that means there is no more space. so, thats what happen to us ): but its alright, we'll be in the same lecture hall yo. can sit tgt. no use saying here, they dont know i have a blog. HAHAH! mysterious-girl-1993.

went steamboat with clique last friday, DAMN FUNNY OMG. laughed like there is no tomorrow lah~ & its kinda awkward when they read my blog in front of me. this bunch of k-po kia~ BUT BUT BUT BUT. hahahahhaa, i wanted to laugh out loud that time when i see their expressions after reading my blog. i'm here to clear the misunderstadings in your heart. firstly, i'm not attached, next currently i dont have any crush, & lastly I'M TOTALLY STRAIGHT. jacinth goh asked that stupid question -.- oh & PS: i love sunflower like a few thousand years ago,HAHAHA!

i jolly well know that the time isnt right yet, thats why i'm like playing till no-tomorrow,& i promise myself, before i acheived my goal, CANNOT BE ATTACHED. kthxbye *big smile*

2010-10-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

ARROW.

HELLO loves,

long time no see huh. wow, 11 aug was my last post. yea, sorry blog i've neglected you long enough. this few months was, my happiest moments of the year? especially when it's in holidays. of course, i enjoyed alot in school, with many new friends & seniors taking care of me, but.. putting aside my parents, the most impt ppl in my life is of course my clique from secondary school, u4f8(g4f8 also can). some ppl said that friends are family, just that you get to choose them yourselves. i never regret choosing them to be my family for the rest of my life, though i cant gurantee that something might happen in between, but i believe that i will always be with them no matter where am i now. to think back, we went through alot. happy sad angry, i got to know them even deeper after this vacation chalet. 3d2n, we lived tgt like for a few years already. though sometimes some ppl never fail to make me feel a little angry & helpless, but they are also the ones that can pull me up again. & they are the only ones that know what i'm thinking, and leave me alone to calm down. well, i have no complains already, i only have compliments for them. HAHA. dont come and hao lian in front of me please. sometimes before i sleep, i will smile to myself, not because i'm crazy, but its because the things we done tgt its really funny, going to dim sum one fine morning, then when taking train everyone of us were very drowsy, chatting about ppl's affair in the middle of the night around 2 plus, & when lights off, everyone just doze off. there is many many stuff of course, but yea, i cant possible write it all out right! c'mon, lets have another chalet manxzcxczcz!~

love life? trust me, you wouldnt want to know, AT ALL. whatever, friendship & parents is of course more impt to me at this stage of life. okay fine, yea i'm always the one waiting~ so, if...i never say anything, that means nothing happens okay. looking around me, yea there are lots of couples beside me, somehow they make me feel envy, not to the extend of 'jealous'. i believe that everyone of us are finding their another halves. i dont mind waiting a little longer if he's the right one. i dont want to experience those relationships that could break off easily because of simple reasons.i believe in love, yes i do. but its real love, not infatuation. the past few crushes, okay maybe that only one, trust me its just an infatuation. because after a long time later, i realise that he isnt the one for me, thats why i gave up. i've been on tumblr for quite a period of time, and surprisingly, pictures taught me lots of things, funny;sad;happy;sweet all kinds of emotions, i can put myself into those ppl's shoes. Love? do you really know it means? isit when ppl treat you wholeheartedly? isit when he did something sweet to you? isit when you cant stop thinking about him? isit you think that you cant live without him? isit he made your heart throb when he ignore you & make your heart beat really fast when he talks to you? isit that he did some stuffs that makes you thinks that he's the one for you?or isit he's able to satisfy you no matter physically or emotionally or even financially? If you had to ask me, my answer would be, i dont know. To me, love is unpredictable. although you have some expectations to the person you wanna be, but there is always that person you know that isnt suitable for the expectation of yours. i believe God had already planned what road am i gonna take & who am i gonna meet & spend my whole life with, but i wouldnt know who will it be, it might be that person i'm thinking now, or it might be some young guy younger than me, it might be some person that i known for a long time, or maybe, some stranger that i meet before but i dont know who is he. Unpredictable. To me, love is a promise, it's a trust betweeen 2, it's sweet&bitter, it's eveerlasting, it's a gift. although i know that promises doesnt last long, but there is only one promise that you have to make before 2 can get tgt, i'll protect you no matter what comes around, i'll share everything with you no matter what i have, i'll love you even we're gonna be the next Romeo&Juliet.if you dont trust your another half, what for get tgt? i wont deny that there are some sluts outside that are jealous & wasnted to spoil 2 relationship, but if you could communicate well, dont worry.( i cant gurantee that i can be such gracious, but i'm gonna try)..you have to go through some rainy period before you get to see a beautiful rainbow. i really believe in that, if i didnt get through any bitter stages, then that sweet stage doesnt belong to me. Nothing last forever, including love. so, what you have now..its gonna be eveerlasting 'cause you have stamp it in your heart & brain, thats called 'memory' you're not gonna forget it. lastly, yes its a gift from Heaven. they are the only one for you, take care & let them be the most precious stuffs in your life.

i want to be at a place where i can see you clearly. you'll never know, but who cares? maybe, you & i can run away & escape.thinking of it might be a little childish & overated, but dreaming of you holding me hand & bringing me to a place where i never know, makes me smile from the bottom of my heart. when i woke up & know that this is just dream, the disappointment made me felt very helpless, i should have dream longer. *smile* this is crazy i know. you're too far away from me. too...good to be true.mark my words, in my eyes, there is only gonna be one person & thats you. i'm gonna look at you, like a sunflower. i believe that, if we are meant to be, even you are at a faraway place, we'll still meet...

lastly, i love sunflower.

2010-08-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

thankyou for all the wishes on fb & twitter plus texts, i really appreciated it! today, i had a fun fun fun day. my clique at the night before called me, told me that they did last minute planning and told me all the surprises that they prepared for me, which is like no more surprises! i was quite sad at that moment coz they know that i hate last min stuffs & in the end they did everything last min ): & disappointed coz is like D & J had ppl to go to their house with a cake and sing happy birthday song to them, & mine was like, ‘hey we meet you at the train station at 1215 okay.’ my last hope was gone. the next morning, i told myself to enjoy the day & stop thinking about those surprises coz at least they made an effort to plan. so as usual, i dressed up and prepared to go meet my clique already. but just then, my mom asked me, ‘are you done changing?’ then i’m like, ‘yea, i making up now.’ & i opened my door, figuring why my mom asked, suddenly i saw like 9 ppl outside my room and start to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ gosh i was like freaking touched and shocked lah!i almost cried out, seriously! then they gave me the cake & made me open their presents. while opening their presents, my friends literally barged into my room & start taking photos. gosh, my poor room! then we stayed in my room for like 15mins, but its like sauna coz its damn hot! after dressing up properly, we went out. went to dhoby and had astons! awesome lunch! then we just walked around there & chit chat at the same time. ALL SORTS OF TOPIC, I SWEAR. as i had dinner with my family, i had to go back at 5, so we took photos & went home early. i really love today, i spent time with the ppl that i loved the most today. thankyou desmond,anderson,debbie,sammel,jacinth,t.jiahui,huiling,y.jiahui & liting for EVERYTHING today. i will never ever forget such memorable sweet 17! the presents was lovely too!desmond- LAME photos + necklace! jacinth&anderson - one HUGE rabbit that i could cuddle at night & a photo frame with their photo but without me! debbie- bottle with msg & book! t.jiahui- photos in frame & long letter + accessories! y.jiahui- accessories + book+ letter of confession! liting- COOKIES and ear rings! i know there are more to come but, thankyou people. you guys are the most wonderful ppl i’ve ever met.
(this post, i posted on tumblr. so i think i should post here too (: )

2010-08-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

SEVENTEEN.

hello loves.

i'm officially seventeen! i really feel the love in fb & twitter from my friends, like totally! thankyou for wishing, i really appreciate it!

on this very special day of mine, my friends came and surprise me! & before that they tricked me before that night! i was quite, er, emo when they told me that they planned it last min & made me disappointed for a while... but they surprised me like at 12 plus,when i was changing! they just opened my door and start singing! i was really really shocked! when i'm opening my presents, they just barge in & rape my room! and we stayed in my small small room for like 15mins? HAHAH! but like some sauna sia! super hot only. after that, we went out to dhoby tgt & had astons! after that, we went to shop around and talk cock at the same time! after that, of course take photos lah!HAHAH!
when i reached home, i start opening my presents & read all the letters! i was tearing lahhhh,seriouslyyyyyyyyy. thankyou you guys, really made up my day man! spending time with you guys is really the best time in my life yo! love you guys, thankyou for everything! <3

2010-08-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

YOU & I
all the things i do are better with you.

hello loves.

oh gosh, its exactly 1 month since i blog! firstly, i'm glad that i survived july. i hope that those days wont come back ever again. i swear that the days was very horrible.seriously emotional. thinking back of it, i'm like a dumb ass, seriously. looking at my blog post & my tumblr.. GOSH, was that eunice chua? i cant even regconised myself!

alright, some reflection now.HAHAHA. now is study break, which means its holidays for me.i need a rest for my brain before i chiong again, next month is my papers already! dont you think that this year really past very fast? starting of the year, i was like still waiting for results & u4f8 had chalet! then we go back to nvss to get our results. i broke down into tears of joy. registered for poly courses at ah yeong house, shouting like siao. getting posting results thru text, excited at first, but got sad after knowing that i'm the only one posted to NP. school open, dressd nicely to meet new friends. didnt really show our 'tails' at the first week of school. but second week of school, everyone literally go insane. class got bonded and had lunch everyday tgt. signed up for ba comm, went for comm camp 6. everything was fun EXCEPT night walk. knew lots & lots of frens in comm camp, everybody took great care of me.i'm really thankful. school reopened, start to chiong for projects & assignments plus exams. exams really sucks. i always love project based assignments, thats why our score for projects is always better than exams. however, somethings happened, no one really knows. i was abnormal, even the dumbest person told me that i'm not myself, why am i so quiet. built walls to prevent ppl from hurting, & the feeling really sucks. i fell in love with long bus rides, thinking about stuffs alone, no interruptions. & i still prefer taking bus alone coz i dont need to entertain anyone. think of lots of things and finally woke up from nightmare. i found myself and back to normal. facebook, twitter, tumblr.. they are no longer emo. all back to myself.friends are glad that i'm back to normal, not knowing that sometimes the wound still hurts. but i found someone that got my back.back to bubbly eunice.

august 6, its the unofficial last day of school. no more lesson with tb01/02, as usual, i cried in my room, thinking of how bonded we are, everybody in the lecture knows about it; thinking of how we guai lan those teachers that guai lan us. thinking of how we prepare our presentations & be each other's attentive audience; thinking of how we studied tgt before exams; thinking f how we shared answers; thinking of how we did grp work at library & kena scolding by the indian librarians; thinking of how we doze off in class tgt; thinking of how we web cam & cam whore in class; thinking of how did we gossiped about other ppl; thinking of how we heart to heart talk & talk about each other's eyecandy etc etc etc. those memories are really awesome, but we have too little time for each other. i almost burst into tears when jerome and patrick hugged me and said : ' we going for lunch now, see you in next semester!' *hugs* omgosh, i really cant take such stuffs again. we spent half a year to build up a friendship that are unbreakable, like we've known each other for many years. but now, we have to bloody choose our time table ourselves.i rather that the school give me some shitty tt where i still can be with my classmates and complain about how bad is that tt tgt, rather getting the best tt but i cant share the happiness with them. however, we must try our very best, to get the tt tgt. tb01/02, i know we can (Y)

my recent life? HAHA, please either check my fb, twitter or tumblr. this blog would be a journal for me, writing down my summary of everything.sometimes, i really want to go into my dream land and live there forever, like inception. becoz, my dream is always sweet. the feelings are also real, i can feel the heat of his hand holding mine, can hear his laughter whenever he tease me, can see his face & even touch it.the only thing i can say about that dream is, his hands, fit perfectly into mine.

2010-07-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

JINX-ED.

HELLO LOVES.

080710,ITS DEBBIE'S FREAKING 17TH BIRTHDAY. i specially went down to tampines for her ok! we ate kim gary(thats what we ate a year ago!) then chit chatted and went around t1.me,huiling,yeong went home. the rest went to her house and surprise her! hope she enjoyed her day!

for me,this few days isnt the best days of my life,espacially when i'm alone.the reason why i'm not my own self is becoz i start to think,alot unfortunately. even my clique in poly was shocked of that state of me,totally moodless,no smile on the face,no bubbly-ness,no cheering ppl up, no huggings,no jokes,no eunice chua. i dont even know who's that girl that lost her entire soul,dont mention the rest of my frens.eunice chua,you better find your soul back,or not you cant even live a proper life.i'm just a jinx-ed girl,i cant do anything but to admit. i fell badly,really badly.i cant have anything i wanted & i wont have them too.i'm afraid that i cant stand up after this fall.what am i suppose to do? i cant say out what am i sad for,becoz no one will understand how i really feel.i keep telling myself to be brave to face all obstacles by myself,tell myself that i'm independent enough to walk this path alone,strong enough to fight this lonely war.however,there were several times that i broke down when i was alone again.after today,i totally miss those days that i dont have to care about anything.now,one by one,i'm speechless.sorry,and bye.

2010-06-27T06:28:00.000-07:00

NEW TERM.. BORING!

hello loves.

GOSH SCHOOL REOPEN TMR! damn it i'm so not prepare for school! and i'm still in camp mood! (HAHA,NOT HOLIDAY MOOD) feel so insecure to sschool tmrrrrrrr,&&&&&&& I STILL HAVEN BUY MY BAGS YET.screwed up! but mom says she's paying for my bags,so i'm getting more than 1 bag! thats why its BAGS instead of BAG. ok now not english lesson,HAHA! anyway,i deleted my yesterday post as i was a little emotional you knowwwwwwww.those who saw it,ZIP YOUR MOUTH AND SHUT UP,DONT LEAK A SINGLE WORD. those who didnt seeeeeeee, HAHAHA,wait till the next time i get emotional.maybe i'll just start blabbering again.HAHAHA!

when school reopens,i think its gonna get even busierrrrrrrr.i'm not in the study mode lah,i think mag will scold me if she knows this.AHAHA! ok,lets get into the fighting mode! ((((:

2010-06-24T04:57:00.000-07:00

OHANA♥

HELLO LOVES.

back from comm-camp 6,its totally VERY NAISE. every activity & stuffs are like stamped in my heart,unforgettable.happy times,sad times and especially scary times.thank goodness i still rmb how en qi hugged me when i broke down,how ming xuan hold my hands and tell me not to afraid,how darren comforted & concern & made me smile,how CQ tried to make me laugh by using that app in Iphone,how fiona & sufern tried to comfort me,how jerome hit ka jie’s head when ka jie asked me ‘ohhh,you are the girl that cried isit?!?! and he shouted FUCKER YOU DUMB OR WHAT??ASK THIS TYPE OF QNS!’,how the exco girl told me to breathe in and breathe out properly,how all my friends ask me, HEY ARE YOU OK?? how eugene being understanding when he tried very very hard to sleep with lights on even though he wasnt used to sleep with lights on.not only eugene lah,everyone in grapefruit are just damn understanding.how jiaxian asked : hey you need a hug?i can lend you my shoulder & 'darling you want to sleep with me?you will feel more secure. (inside joke!)oh one last,how glenn apologised when he came to my room with his scary make up on. i wont forget these memories,this proved that BA_comm is my family and i neh regret that i joined ba_comm!

i treated you as one of my family,not a brother,but my other half.i dont know whether this is right or not,but there's a thought in me,telling me to give you time.i'll never forget those little stuffs that you told me,coz that's what will affect me the most,making it the most unforgettable memory.thankyou love.

ohana means family.family means no one is allowed to be left behind,no matter what.
-lilo & stich.

2010-06-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

BACK TO SQUARE ONE.

Hello Loves.

perhaps i may put this title before,but this is really the only phrase that could really describe my feeling now.today i went out with liting and desmond to compass.seeing them doing their excel and helping them to do,making me feeling like i'm one of their grp member trying to help,and that feelings were like we were doing project during secondary school.makes me,think of the past again,which is like back to square one. for those who know about my interview tmr,i'm still thinking whether to go or not. i know that its worrying for me to go alone as it maybe some scam or whatsoever.but honestly saying i felt very happy when i received that call,coz i never dreamt that there would be such day for me,an imperfect girl.i will consider and re-consider again.thanks for the concern everyone,i will definitely not go alone.thats too scary.

i was waiting for you to say that sentence.you jolly well know its dangerous and you told me its unsafe to go alone.have you ever think that i'm waiting for you to say that you'll be my guardian angel and follow me there?what did you tell me instead?hire one body guard and bring him there?or asking another guy to bring me there?i dont know why but i felt very pissed off when you told me all this stuffs.why dont you just say that you'll go with me?at least i will feel better.yeah,you're just a friend,saying everything from a friend's stand.i shouldnt and have no rights to be angry with you right? as a friend,i'm too friendly. as a friend, i'm too caring. as a friend i treated you too well. as a friend i'm too busy body. as a friend as a friend as a friend.haha,i shouldnt treated you extraordinary at the first place.i fell really badly.everything in the world reminds me of you.so what you've an account?have you ever checked mine?every post of mine is about you do you know that?i tried to control,i tried to let go, i tried every means to stop liking you. & whenever i want to give up,there is always something inside me saying just give you some time.however i feel like i'm waiting for something that is not gonna happen.somehow,i'm afraid of losing you when you arent even mine.whatever,i'm just unlucky & stupid,such stuffs will always happen to me,making me heartbroken,lastly.what can i do?i can only sit there and smile and tell the whole world, hi,i'm fine,dont worry.

i just did another stupid thing,knowing that he wont see this,why type all this out...another wasted post.

2010-06-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

HUSH HUSH.

HELLO LOVES.

FINALLY BACK TO BLOGGER.gosh,i seriously think that tumblr is better as PICTURES SPEAKS A THOUSAND WORDS. why am i so into tumblr now? becoz QQ asked me to create one,then i simply fell in love with the pictures there.

my CTs just ended on thursday,and after that i went out with my clique and classmates. ok we went to watch KARATE KID. its super-dupper-omgosh-hellish-uber nice! at least for me, it IS NICE! before watching jerry told me the rating was like 2.5 only. IT DESERVES A BETTER RATING. well,after that, we splited. gina,QQ,xiaowei,maemae,adila and i went to far east and window-shop. went to meet the rest at cineleisure. dinner-ed tgt and then 313. saw anton AGAIN.like 2 days in a row,i saw him randomly at some random places.then we were like, WHY I SEE YOU AGAIN?? yea and i went home at around 9 plus.

yesterday,i went to LOTS of places,and amazingly,i was alone.gina didnt believe that i was alone the whole morning and afternoon.back to topic.i went to tampines,bugis and lastly marina square.i went to town is to dye and cut my hair.(which represent i want to a new start.) went to met ah li at compass after that. shopped around compass and saw jacinth & anderson. during school time,compass was like my second home,didnt even bother to shop around. but now,how i miss to shop around compass with school uniform. SIGH,time flies.

www.colouroflove.tumblr.com
read my tumblr,and you'll know how am i feeling recently.

2010-05-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

IF THAT'S LOVE.

HELLO LOVES.

omgosh, BUSYYYYYYY.this few weeks, i'm like rushing for aeroplanes, RUSH PROJECT RUSH TUTORIALS,especially this week,WHICH IS ELEARNING WEEK! totally hate elearning man,I HOPE THERE ISNT ANYMORE.

hmmmm start from monday? i went back to school for projects,and i had korean class,so i stayed till 8. took cab with QQ and leonard. the next day was o1.25 SENTOSA DAY.it was freaking fun,but its disastrous for QQ,she damn suayyyyy,3 times that day! disastrous day indeed,i also hurt myself,but its alright now,heeeeeees. went to find U4F8 at night at ikea,HAHA.tuesday was just so funnnnnnnn! wednesdaay i stayed at home coz my leg was kinda swollen,so ya. the next day i went out with gina and pat,we studied at AMK library. i missed the feeling of studying tgt,its just so...memorable.HAHA.went to the nearest playground and played the swing slide and the spider web thingy.we played like we have no childhood lah,HAAHAH! we're are like damn old at the playground,but we didnt care.HAHAHA!LIKE FUN! then otw to AMK hub,we literally have a heart-to-heart talk.making us closer than ever.i just love it(: friday which was yesterday,OMGOSH.i totally dont know what i did coz i just rush for everything,I HATE OBSE,officially hate it. but luckily i managed to finish everything and met the deadline.AWESOMEEEEEEEEEE. ok today,i'm relaxing,revising my korean later,have quiz on monday!!

2010-05-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

A QUICK THOUGHT.
http://365thoughts.tumblr.com/

Truth: I’m scared. I’m terrified to get too close to you because I don’t want to get my heart broken. I’m afraid that if we take this further I’m just going to get hurt and to be honest, I don’t think I could take that.And then there’s that girl; the one that’s always confused, the one that’s never good enough, the one who’s been through so much, but she’s still trying her hardest to be happy.A part of me wants an answer, but a part of me doesn’t want to know. A part of me wants to keep holding on, but a part of me wants to let you go.If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain.Haha, I’m so stupid. I fell for you, knowing for a fact you wouldn’t catch me. Damn, that fall sure did hurt.Often, you have to let people go. Everyone who’s in your life are meant to be in your journey, but not all of them are meant to stay there.To be honest, I’m so confused. I don’t know what I want in life, I don’t even know what I want right now. All I know is that I’m hurting so much inside that it’s eating me, and one day, there won’t be anymore of me left.I feel like such an idiot searching for you in the school campus. And when I finally see you, I turn the other way.I don’t know why I care so much, when I shouldn’t even care at all.All I really want is someone that’s gonna keep their promises, listen to me babbling or enjoy a comfortable silence with, someone to call when I get scared, someone to laugh at my mistakes, and someone to grab me when I walk away. Is that too much to ask for?I hope it’s true when they say that for the amount of pain you suffer, will be the equal amount of happiness in return. ‘Cause damn… I’d be the happiest person on the planet for that moment.You can always tell how much you love someone by how much they can hurt you.Doesn’t it seem like when you’re lonely, the rest of the world is in love with another human?I’m on the verge of of breaking down. The strength I have to hold myself together is slowly fading away. I just need somebody, somebody to lean on. I feel so alone and I hate it. Save me, please.He’s the king of mixed signals and I’m the queen of second thoughts.She might look happy on the outside, but deep down, she just wants to drop down on her knees and cry all the tears she can possibly pour out.She says she’s okay, but she’s going insane. She says she feels good, but she’s going through a lot of pain. She says its nothing, but it’s really everything. She says she’s fine, but she’s really not.It’s hard to hold a lot in. But for me, it’s sometimes even harder to let it all out.I don’t know what’s right. I don’t know what’s wrong. All I know, is the pain that comes from waiting for you so long.Every girl needs that special someone to help her laugh, when she think she’ll never smile again.I just want you to know that I’ve been fighting to let you go. Some days I make it through, then there are nights that never end.I’m not the prettiest girl in the world, nor the brightest crayon in the box. But I’m real. Isn’t that enough for natural beauty?I’ve built a wall. Not to block anyone out, but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.Beneath the smiles, laughs, and the mask, I’m just a girl who wishes for the world.Each night, I put my head to my pillow. I try to tell myself that I’m strong, because I’ve gone one more day without you.The worst part is we didn’t even have to be together for you to shatter my heart.I’m standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more I can take of you.Just so you know, I tried my best to let go of you… but I failed.Smile. Let everyone know that today you’re a lot stronger than you were yesterday.I guess I just got hurt. Really hurt. And sometimes when that happens, something inside me just shuts off.When I pretend what happened didn’t hurt, is when it hurts the most.I told myself that I was over you, but when I looked into those gorgeous eyes of yours today, I couldn’t help but wish you were mine.Waiting here for you to sign on; that little box with your name appearing in the corner of my screen. Minutes pass, maybe even hours. Sure I’ll see you tomorrow, but if I talk to you before I go to bed, I sleep so much better.I may be young, but I’m not naive. I haven’t been through much, but I do know what “hurt” feels like.Everytime I want to give up on him, there’s always something inside telling me to just give it time.My mind keeps telling myself that you’re going to break my heart. But my heart is saying you’re worth the pain.I’d rather in live in my dreams since you’re in there. When in my reality, you’re nowhere to be found.There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don’t want to know, but have to learn. And people we don’t want to lose, but have to let go.Sometimes I pretend that I don’t care. But really, I care more than anyone else ever will.Behind my smile, is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you’ll see a damaged girl hidden behind the most ridiculous disguise.Knowing a person is like music. What attracts us to them is their melody, and as we get to know who they are, we learn their lyrics.“I’m okay,” I type back to them. And the tears fall, silently done my cheeks.And just for a second there, I thought you maybe actually cared.I’m not afraid of heights; I’m afraid of falling. I’m not afraid of the dark; I’m afraid of what dwells there. I’m not afraid of loving, I’m afraid of not being loved back and getting hurt in the end.Sometimes you have to run away so you can see who will run after you. Sometimes you have to talk quieter, just to see who’s actually listening. Sometimes you have to take a step back, just to see who’s still standing by your side. Sometimes you have to make a wrong decision, just to see who’s there when it all falls down. Sometimes you have to let go of the one you love, just to see if they love you enough to come back.I never knew how much I cared about you, I never knew my feelings were so deep, I never knew you could cause so much pain, I never thought I would lose so much sleep, I never thought it’d be this way, I never thought It’d come to an end, I never thought we’d be apart, and it hurts because now were not even friends.Here’s to you; hoping that someday, you’ll realize that I really did care.There’s that occasional night where I just break down and cry ‘cause I know that no matter what, things will never be the same.Why is it so hard to let go of someone that you never even had a chance with?Tell me I’m not making a mistake. Tell me that you’re worth the wait, that you’re always going to be here. Make me believe that I’m making the right decision by still holding on. Show me that you’re going to be around to catch me when I fall. Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone truly special to catch your heart.Go ahead, leave me like you always do. I’m ready this time.Stop throwing mixed signals at me. I don’t like the confusion that it brings. I’d rather have the honest truth even if it hurts, because then I won’t be wasting my time depending on false hope to keep me hanging on.Just like every other night, I looked up at the stars & wasted another wish on you.i sit and laugh with my friends since I’m havin’ fun, but I still catch my breath when someone mentions you.Behind all my smiles and laughs, there’s a story you’ll never understand.Finally, I’m satisfied once again. Since everything is back to normal.

my thoughts,somehow is all found in this web.

2010-05-19T00:03:00.000-07:00

DEAR FRIEND.

HELLO LOVES.

WEDNESDAY,the slackest day of the week.i ended school already,currently now doing OBSE obse project with grp mates.

every morning,i will sleep from punggol to outram park.today,only anton and i went to school,both of us just literally slept thru out the journey.OBSE lecture,i was talking to liting.and totally slacking lah,coz captain andrew spent 1 hour talking his stories and navy army stuffs.web-camed with steph,and my fb was super lagggggggggggggg,was spamed with notifications.after obse,was bcomm.erm,its just about so library stuffs and our hw.NEXT WEEK IS ELEARNING WEEK,dont have to go back to schooooool! but still need to do hw lah,HAHA!after that,i helped the guys, YES GUYS to my sprakling eye-liner.HAHAH!damn zai,our class guys are just so daring!then we took class photo with charmaine's DSLR.

this weeeeeeeeek,omgosh too much stuffs to do.U4F8,i next week can go out with you all,when you all free,TEXT ME!but not everyday lah,HAHAHAHHA!MISS YA.(:

sometimes,i really cant stop thinking.

2010-05-16T02:56:00.000-07:00

& WHEN WE GO CRAZY AGAIN.

HELLO LOVES.

well,today was just literally chiong-ing tuts lah,and luckily,i finished them!happygirl 93,HAHA!

yesterday,leonard and i waited for anton for like 30mins,becoz he was still sleeping when we called him!basket,boarded on the train on 840,reached school around 10.i think i saw my relative working at the sandwich shop,but i dont know whether to call her anot!anton was like,go call her,then maybe we got free sandwiches. -.- lated for bacomm thingy.although the whole thing was lika...lame,but i'm still joining lah,maybe.HAHAHA!took pictures with incans after that,kena rushed by ella and mae,HAHA! went for lunch,then took bus to caiqin's house.yesterday was my first time took a bus without going its normal route,me and cai qin was enjoying the wind and we slept on the bus.when i woke up,my hair was damn messy,but it was damnnnnn comfortable!! went to caiqin,watched tv awhile,then went over to jerome house.reached there around 5,and the party STARTED,coz i'm there.HAHA!officially one of the KITCHEN CREW,doing the cooking.& THEY SAID MY COOKING WAS DAMN AWESOME.YAYYYYY!!potential house wife,HAHA! till evening,we start cam-whoring at the back alley,YES BACK ALLEY.like those in msia!damn cool lah jerome's house,HAHA!but we cant go up to his second or third level,strictly cant go up.and if we touch his sister's cat,we have to pay 2bucks. his sisters are just...not that sociable i should say.whatever.dancing with ella bao hui jia xian and jerome in the kitchen,i think his maid think that we're siao one lah,HAHAHA!then we played true&dare.OMGOSH SERIOUSLY,playing true&dare with TB01 is an awesome thing to do man.i have never EVER see such dares before,even playing in sec 4 is not that hyper,coz no one really dare to do it.but yesterday's dare was FREAKING FUNNY & ENTHU.we was damn scared that his neighbours will come out and scold us man.HAHAHAH!ok,those dares are inside jokes.breaktime,went to eat mashmellowwwws. cam whore again,OF COURSE.then we went in front of his house and watch ella perform,HAHA! ONE WOMAN SHOW.(Y) thennnn GROUP PHOTOS.omgosh my fb yesterday was flooded with the notifications of comments and photos. went home with xiao wei,we took cab home,HAHA.her sister name also eunice chua,from NVSS somemore,HAHA! reached home at 1030,i'm reaching home late recentlyyyyy.BUT ITS FUN,i sound lika rebelious girl man.HAHAH!slept at 2 yesterday,due to my itb project.

woke up today,and started to chiong my tuts.although today's weather is a good weather to sleep,but i just literally listen to songs and chiong.GOOD GIRL RIGHT,I KNOW ^^ & my first thing i thot i woke up today is,i'm fortunate,really fortunate.(:

2010-05-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

SOMEBODY CALL 911 ;

HELLO LOVES

currently listening to 91.3,the dj-s are freaking funnnnnnnnnnnny!HAHAH!

today wednesday,counted the SLACKEST day since i started poly life.today is just OBSE lecture,i wasnt listening at all,i was chatting online and go on web-camming.HAHHAHAH!then go for tuts,ppl presenting,i over there web-camming again.HAHAHAH!damn fun yooooooo!then after school,went over to canteen 2 for lunch,then go ourspace and do my project.until 4,friends release from school,took 74 with them.HAHA,had fun talking on the bussssss.

today suddenly i got alot of project have to due sia,AND ALL THE LEADERS TELL ME LAST MIN.nice one man.BCOMM PRESENTATION,i presented a topic that is my taboo topic~but i just said it out.AND I GOT A.FIRST A EVER IN POLY.never ever gonna forget this mannn.think i gonna be sick soon yo.

2010-05-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

I'VE ALREADY KNOW THE ENDING.

HELLO LOVES.

tuesday,bstats day.its not sonny phua day coz he ps us during lecture and i kinda miss his lessons now.whatever.

daily routine repeats itself everyday.mrt-ed,mrt-ed(again),bus-ed,breakfast,off to class.but today's bstats is seriously just emaths.LUCKY i still can rmb what mr aw teach,thankgoodness man.break for 2hours,went to KAP for lunch.though my throat abit cmi,but i still entertain my friends by eating mac.had a very good laughing there.tuesday is always the day i will laugh lika siao.after that,went back to school by crossing that super dangerous road,omg i swear its dangerous.walked that long long way to school,slacked awhile at library and went for lecture.for the 2 hours,i 'm fortunate to have my eye drop and m&m to keep me awake,or not i'll be seriously switched off.

after school,wanted to go for a drink,butttttt i'm seriously shag.74 came,and i boarded with jerome and peiying.@ serangoon,omg the lightning is scary yo,and it started to rain HEAVILY.called liting,accompanied her to doctor,then went to mac(again,omgosh) for ice cream,then home sweet home.

&&&& since i already know whats the ending,no point waiting,right?

2010-05-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

WHEN WE GO CRAZY.

HELLO LOVES

THURSDAY,counted the last day of studying in the week as friday is just S&W plus IDEA JUMPSTART.

met anton and leonard in the morning,school-ed tgt.buy breakfast,and just eat tgt.this is part of my daily routine already.HAHA!ITB for straight 4 hours.did presentation for that,i was omgosh nervous lah!TB01 went on fb and everyone said they are very nervous and willing to learn from mistake from the first presentation of the year.I KNOW,WE'RE HUMBLE.HAHA!got a B+ for presentation,WOOHOO! we're gonna keep up that good job yo! went to lecture after that,ITB again.and its omgosh siannnnnn.mag and i wasnt listening lah.HAHA!lucky its an hour lecture only,HENG.after lecture,i dont know why,everybody came to my place,and started chit chatting damn loudly,HAHA!my lecturer was like,TB01 QUIET DOWN PLEASE. then we was,OPPPPS,SORRY FAIZAH,HAHAHAH! then everyone start exchanging numbers.so funny lah,can you imagine like almost 15 ppl in a huge lecture hall,talking damn loudly and shouting out their numbers across the hall?HAHA!the scene is hilarious.

10mins later,when everyone have stop exchanging number,the BIG GANG of us walked to ALUMNI for lunch,this gang is like damn huge lah.and we really talked damn loudly,esp when ella and jiaxian is around.HAHA!ALUMNI IS ALWAYS FULL DURING LUNCH TIME.so we went to SIM for lunch.i sat with mag,jiaxian and jerome.omg the two guys are super hilarious,i started choking when i eat.I REALISE I CHOKE WHENEVER I'M HAVING LUNCH. whatever.went for class MIEC,long two hours~and during class,jerome called me.WTH I WAS HAVING CLASS LAH.then i text him,he was like saying that we watching movie at 430 slot. KAO,i panic man.i release at 4,how am i suppose to chiong to the cathay within 30mins!?kevin,leon,peiying and nadila also panic for me,damn funny.HAHA!they were like,TAKE CAB,SURE CAN DE.LESS THAN 10BUCKS SOMEMORE. bo bian,after lesson,i took cab to dhoby and it cost me 9.50 -.- when i reached,jiaxian was like saying that they bought 520 slot -.-lika sian lah!whatever,again.bought pop corns and in to watch IP MAN 2! this movie really surprises me,ITS NICE TTM!never regreted paying 6bucks.after movie,wanted to eat BILLY BOMBERS,buttttttt the price was SO afforadable,that we went to JUST ACIA instead.HAHA! otw to JA,we saw this NEOPRINT SHOP,soooooo WE WENT IN TO TAKE NEOPRINT!!the guys was like...WTH~WE NEVER TAKE THAT BEFORE!in the end of the photoshoot,though they say its kinda gay,but they just love it.HAHA!its cute to take neoprint,NOT GAY!dinner-ed and home sweeeeeet home.

we are so gonna do this again man.&&&&&&PARTY TMR YO.

2010-05-04T00:35:00.000-07:00

BACK TO SQUARE ONE.

HELLO LOVES.

currently waiting for leonard and anton @ lifestyle library,thats why i have the time to blog for awhile.heeeeeeees.i've been a hardcore mugger recently,hence hardly blog and online at night (becoz i online during lectures & tuts.HAHA!) lessons has beeen kindaaaa fine?except miec,i'm still trying to digest despite the lecture was yesterday.i will digest it soooooooon.

talking about yesterday,DEBBIE & LITING came and find me despite that they are sick.TOUCHED TTM!they accompanied me till 5plus then they went off to find johnny at SP.though anton is super unwilling and kept complaining that he's tired,but he still accompained till my lesson start.THANKS YO. met up with cheryl @ her school bus stop and went home tgt.both of us,only one word can describe. SHAGGGGG.lucky my dad came to fetch,we dont have to take bus or walk home.HAHA.

today,omg i woke up at 630 when i'm meeting anton and leonard at 715!!i always need 1 hour to make up and dress up.LUCKYYYYY,i have dress at home,so i just bath,dress make up and out of house.and yay,i wasnt late.HAHA!went school,breakfast,off to class.tuesday is my BSTATS day,means that i have bstats tuts and lecture at the same day.it was fun lah.i was talking & discussing work with kevin.HAHA,webcam-whore with him also.kinda boring lah.HAHA!2 hours break!there were 12 of us(lika u4f8 yo!), we walked to BPT,and had KFC.i sat with mag,anderlin stephenie,patrick and jerome.HAD A GOOD LAUGH.12,walked back to school,laugh again.ella is really a good entertainer man seriously.HAHAH! then go library,peeps are talking about ghost stories -.- fauzi keep saying about that pink lady lah,basket!from library to our LT,ella hasnt stop with her stories,we just asked her to stop.HAHA!lecture,so emaths style lah.statistics,bo bian.until now,not as shag as yesterday,but today is sleeeeeeeeeeeeeepy yo.needa see the doctor for injection later.i always hate injectionssssssss.

ok byebye(:

2010-04-26T23:52:00.000-07:00

THOSE DAYS.

HELLO LOVES.

I'M IN MY SCHOOL LIFESTYLE LIBRARY,waiting for my frens to relaease from their lectures.HAHA!today is like damn shiok,coz whole day is BUSINESS STATISTIC!i'm facing this teacher named SONNY PHUA from like 9 to3?my whole day is with him lah,wth.but becoz of him,i laughed alot,its really alot.fauzi and kevin lah,both of them damn bad,keep making fun of him and i just laughed out loud,HAHA!and a good thing with mr phua is,HE IS GULLIBLE TTM MAN.when kevin told him that we have lectures after his tuts,he just rush off the last qns and said ok class,early dismissal.then at lectures,the ppl behind was like saying that we have tuts after that,then he say he will go thru the rest of the chpts next week.damn gullible right!he's cute lah,HAAHAHAHA!so my twitter,i wrote twice; EARLY DISMISSAL!HAHAHAHAH!

second week of school,i'm getting used to wake up early,dress up & make up nicely,meet frens to go school tgt,then break & lunch tgt then go home with that long bus ride.however,i still miss my secondary school life ; wake up at 6am,change in uniform and breakfast,leave house at 650,reach school at 710,TC in class,assembly,long dry lessons,school ends,compass/hougang/kovan/RP or some other places,reach home before 6.now,i hardly can go home before 6.how memorable is that.i miss those days where i can eat two piece wholeheartly coz i will have PE to kill those calories,then slack till dont know what time coz there's no hw,be frens with teachers coz they are always there.walking to classrooms from other classrooms need less than 5 mins.NOW I NEED 10MINS TO WALK FROM ONE BUILDING TO ANOTHER BUILDING,OMG.last sentence,i miss those days.

2010-04-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

HAPPY ; SAD ; TIRED.

HELLO LOVES.

INCANS 5 OUTING #2 @ marina barrage. chit chat,play cards,play guitar,TC,mac-d,walked around the barrage,true & more truth game,walked that bridge,thunders&lightnings,down to dhoby PS,KFC,yami yogurt,TC again,mrt-ed with anton. HOME SWEET HOME. this is the overall initiary.tmr then i update what really happen.btw,today only got ME ATIQAH ANTON ERIC EDWIN KENNETH GABRIEL.

ok gtg,needa sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

2010-04-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

yes,i have this fear that every person i like is gonna break my heart.let it go?grab it on?

2010-04-22T00:06:00.000-07:00

LECTURES.

HELLO LOVES.

i forgot to mention yesterday,we met jasline and joelin at UNIQLO.seriously i dont like that place,coz it keep tempting me to buy those nice clothingsssss!asshole ttm.anyway,that place is seriously damn contagious.one person high,everybody high. #1 high JASLINE.that girl,seriously hilarious mannnnnn. #2 high,LITING.that ki siao girl,kao,go toilet also can make me laugh till i run away.HAHAHA! we are like super noisy lah,lameshit man.i think the person folding clothes gonna hate us ttm.

4th day,which is today.

my lecture today starts at 12,ends at 1.and thats the end for school.and now?i'm still at lectureeeee,but not my own lecture lah.its anton's and yuenfang's lecture.i'm 1.1,but i'm not at 1.2 module lecture.AWESOME right.HAHAHAH!hardcore mugger man,dont play play.HAHA!where am i going later?i dont knowwwww.my lesson tmr starts at 1 and ends at 5. SPEECH DAY TMRRR.think i'll be going...or maybe not.HAHAHA!ok now super sian,i should go bloggie hoppie,((((:

2010-04-21T08:43:00.002-07:00

GET OVER IT.

HELLO LOVES.

quite a tiring day today.

woke up at 6,dress-up,make-up,breakfast-ed and went out.met gabriel at mrt station,went to school tgt.omg stopping at clementi mrt station is sucha wrong decision.gabriel lah,kao,say what clementi nearer.i dont think got diff from dropping at dover lah.whatever,used 1hour and 10mins to reach school. accompanied him for breakfast then went back to the bus stop and met mag.chiong to lt28 and had OBSE.I'M A HARDCORE MUGGER MAN,i sat at the very first row of the whole LT.captain andrew was standing in front of me,of course i was listening to him lah,BUT know what?i using..FB,TWITTER & MSN.super awesome.HAHA! but captain andrew is super cute,freaking funny.HAHA! after that went to blk 56 and had bcomm tutorials.HAHA! ms tan eng also another cute teacher.AWESOME.

ended school at 1,went to TP and find loveablesssss!HAHA! lunch-ed there,and walk around.4plus,cab-ed to tampines mall and bring tjh to her official.HAHA!went to starbucks for drinks.went around tampines 1 and walk walk.saw mel goh and her boyf.HAHA! went for dinner,chatted some...demoralised topic.omg,to me.HAHA!i'm trying so hard GET OVER IT.tskkkkkk.desmond treated us cab,so we cab-ed home!they lo-bang damn touching right~HAHAHA!

reached home,bathed,watched tv.somehow i just lost my concentration and seems super distracted.wtfffffffffffff.ok forget it.i need to GET OVER IT GET OVER IT GET OVER IT.

2010-04-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

DONT STOP CANT STOP.

HELLO LOVES.

OFFICIALLY..started my poly life.HAHA!hmmmm,my class is kinda okay lah.i know some of my classmates already,they are seriously fun ppl lah.FUN TTM.esp mag!omg she damn cute lah.HAHA!she's damn hardworking lah seriously.HAHA!heng i met her,really lucky(((((:

today its day 2,my lesson starts at 1.but i left house at 930 becoz...i meeting DEBBIE & LITING for breakfast!debbie's mom also joined us.HAHA.so coincidencely,jasline and beverly also came to compass's KFC for breakfast.SO QIAO!HAHA!anton,gideon and their teacher also came to compass for breakfast,but they were at toastbox and they already finished their breakfast long ago!so debbie liting and me went to 'fetch' them from toastbox to kfc.HAHA.had my breakfast,chatting happily with them,omg LONG TIME NEVER DO SUCH STUFFS LE LAH!HAHA!lucky liting and debbie also start lesson late.heeeeeeeeeees.anton and his teacher was waiting for us to finish.HAHA!around 11,the tp-ppl went to school,anton and i went to take mrt to school.surprisingly we were damn early,like one hour early.but wtf-thing is,i was having tummy-crumps on the train!tmd anton keep saying byebye to me,coz he just ask me to go home str -.-

went to CC when reached,went to queu up for the NP dri-fit tee.leonard joined us and the queue is freaking long lah.BUT BUT BUT BUT,gabbie was in front at the queue!of course,we went up and ask him help us buy.i think the ppl behind hate us man.HAHA!but,who cares~HAHA!bought tees and went inside the hall,sign up for some cca.(:

1pm,lecture starts.the lecturer is omg naggy lah!keep repeating what he says.i complained it on fb.HAHA!i'm super active on fb & twitter recently.HAHA!i on fb,twitter and msn during class & lecture.HAHA!awesome-ness right! but i still got listen to lessons de ok!the one who talks to me during class the most are steven & anton.HAH!they two also at class very sian. SURPRISINGLY,i'm super attentive to my lecturers and glad i can understand what they are talking about,though not all.HAHA.

3pm,incans 5 outing ! everyone met at atrium,went to the bball court to pull joshua that gay out,but he say he join us for dinner.ok there are ATIQAH APRIL VANESSA GABRIEL EDWIN DARREN MINGXUAN KENNETH ANTON LI CHENG and another guy i dont know his name,of course still got me lah.HAHA!went to BTP for pooooooool,lunch before that.had subwayyyyyyyy,shared with li cheng.he also another freaking funny guy man.HAHA!had a good laughing for lunchhhh(: didnt play for the first round of pool.seeing the rest play also damn fun.i keep laughing from the starting to the end,no kid man. went to fetch joshua at around 5plus,then started playing poool at the second round.omg,i'm a noob at pool and darren that pro lost to me !!!!!!!! funnny seh!played till 730,wtf we played for so many hours lah,altgt 44bucks! as i was too full after that subway,i went home with april and vanessa.took 74 all the way to hougang.took mrt to punggol. something really funny happen,i left earlier than anton and gabbie ,but we took the SAME mrt,listen properly,its the SAME MRT LAH.i left earlier than them and yet we got on the same mrt!wtf lah seriously! i went up the escalator,then they are on the way up to lrt.i called , eh anton. then he looked behind,looking shocked.HAHA!then he called me,saying that they two come down and accompany me take bus home.damn touched man.HAHA!

shit,tmr got class at 9.gtg bye ppl!

2010-04-18T03:51:00.000-07:00

SCHOOL TMR!

HELLO LOVES.

ok 6months of slacking time is about to end,in around 30mins time? BECOZ,tmr is the first day of polyyyyy!honestly saying i'm so not prepared lah wtf.i packed my bag,without books but with lappy and nice nice schedule book(yea i deco-ed it myself!).then i have to think which outfit to go tmr.OHMYGOD,nervous yet excited!ok,its time to sleep,though its like super early....but BO BIAN.i have school tmr. gosh i haven been saying this sentence for 6months.AWESOME.ok i'll update tmr,in class!(:

2010-04-16T06:30:00.000-07:00

Act As Nothing Happened.

HELLO LOVES.

i receieved my ezlink card & student pass already!both card is the same photo.(: heng that pic not so uglyyyyyy,still can take out and let ppl see.HAHA!

anyway,this 2 days was loveables's orientation.they said it was kinda sian.but the thing is they had orientation is with their classmates.howeverrrrrrrrr,i think that my orientation is fun lah,though not with my classmates & very unfortunately none of them are my classmates -.-
BUT BUT BUT BUT, its ok,coz my grpmates are damn cool.HAHA!

& gosh,monday is officially the starting of poly!kinda nervous and excited.i have already thot of what to do when i'm having break in the middle of classes,HAHA!nvm,i have my book and ipod with me.i can roam around the school with them!i wont get lost in that big school coz i have map~HAHA!roam seems like travelling in some country,awesome.HAHA!oh and about timetable...dont worry loveables!you all can try calling me,my phone is on for 24/7 starting from next week.HAHA!

alright,i need to start stressing what to wear on the first day.HAHA!btw~i have one song by 房祖名.surprisingly,his voice quite nice sia!quite awesome.and i like this song,若无其事((((: aiya i lazy to copy and paste the lyrics.go listen yourself(: ok gtg,bye dudes!

2010-04-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

THAT ME.

HELLO LOVES.

i think i disappointed myself and let loveables worried.i'm sorry guys.i let out my thoughts and let them ran wild.for those who asked what happened,i'll just replied its ok,some trivial matters only.its kinda of stupid of me coz i called ppl at 2am in the dawn and obviously,everyone was sleeping.nobody can listen to what my heart is really trying to say. i wouldnt say what really happen to me,but i know that i made ppl worried and i'm really sorry. I'M REALLY FINE NOW,SERIOUS. so dont worry loveables!

anyway,though i haven straighten my thots,but i kinda...not so sad anymore?i dont know what brighten up my day but...yea,i also dont know whats going on with me.HEEEEES.oh and...i'm damn touched when i saw my cutie sexy awesome SC ATIQAH's comment on twitter.she said ; [Hello dear you ok? Stay strong!!! See you tmr! Give you a big bear hug! :) :D ].although that tmr haven come,but its freaking touching when i saw this. ATIQAH,thankyou awesome,you're awesome!HAHA!(i know you found me so i post this specially for you,awesome right~? ^^;;;;;

ok,gtg.BYE(:

2010-04-11T05:26:00.000-07:00

LAST GIFT ;

HELLO LOVES.

i left 1 week to slack like nobody's business.should i say its awesome or its not awesome?i'm still in the BAOC mood lah.now feeling quite weird staying at home,tsk.

went to compass yesterday with lovables.we haven been meeting for 2 weeks?seems like never meet for 2 months sia.when we met them,omg my chinese seriously deprove lah!coz this few days i keep speaking in english with groupmates,all channel 5.so i already used to it.need to half half,channel 5 and 8 tgt.HAHA!chatted from 3 to 8plus,its freaking funny lah.gonna miss such times.

for the following week,i dont think i'll be free.suddenly got so many things to do.HAHA!ok,time check: its 9. incans 5 meeting again.NON-STOPPABLE TOPICS MAN,AWESOME.

PS: honestly saying,i still cant believe that.

2010-04-09T01:36:00.000-07:00

INCANS 5.

HELLO LOVES!

i'm back from BAOC! the 3 days there was really damn awesome!groupmates were super zai!SC-s was freaking coooooool! INCANS 5 FTW!

DAY 1: THE GATHERING OF EMPIRES.

went to school with Anton,early in the morning.its been a long time since i woke up this early.well,then we took mrt down to hougang and took 74. OHMYGOSH,74 is freaking long man!i sat dao my back hurts lah.then Anton and Leonard were laughing all the way,damn lame.reached clementi,atiqah called me, 'eunice where are you?' 'i'm on my way,now traffic jam' wakao,anton laughed out loud lah.damn asshole.then until somewhere,we chiong down the bus and took cab.AWESOME-NESS.first day,late for half and hour,still need to take cab somemore.Leonard paid for the cab fees though,HAHA! chiong to student plaza,both of us were the LATEST.everybody have to intro themselves again.HAHA!then we go to convention centres,talked to the girls,then went to play games.we were quite bonded after games,and super bonded after lunch.damn awesome.then we continued to play games,in the middle of playing games is super duper funny.ok thats inside joke.i know all my grp members within a day,another awesome stuffs!took 74 with anton and gabriel,3 of us,slept on the bus.AWESOME.

DAY 2:THE RACE FOR SUPREMACY.

woke up at 5.30.KAO,its freaking early ok.went out at 6.15.met xie lao shi at the bus stop,chat for awhile and she board up to 82.the two guys made me wait for them for 15mins,awesome.and i know exactly who always late de.boarded 83,inside jokes again.and becoz of this 'joke' anton keep using the bold NEXT word to suan,AWESOME.laughing thru out the breakfast timing,2 vs 1,awesome again.went to skool at 730,surprisingly,we were not late.OF COURSE LAH,MRT FASTER.HAHA!then the start of games day~the games was seriously awesome.first game,BLOWING FOOTBALL.this game,AWESOME.coz that day only got 4 girls and 5 boys,which is like very little ppl compare to other grps.SC-s joined us to make it 12.HAHA!then this game we have to blow the ball to the plastic bag,like football lah,but using mouths.then we have to interlock hands with the opponents.KAO,MAYANS 5 HAVE LOTS OF GUYS MAN.seriously,we sure lose de.i'm the suay one.the guy beside me asked me stuffs damn politely,then i thot he would not be so hardcore.WHEN THE GAME START,ZAI,HE KEEP PULLING ME DAMN HARDLY.both my hands have bruises.my grp members boo-ed him,HAHA!UNITED RIGHT!i love incans 5 man~then the next game was MINI-bball.super mini.i dont like that opponents,all cheaters.then next game at the roof top.i dont like that grp also,another cheaters.THEY CAN SEE EVEN THEY WERE BLINDFOLDED. AWESOME .next was at the football field.this game is about teamwork man~super zai.LUNCH @canteen 2!the games starts again.there is one game that really makes me have great impression,our opponents were MAYANS 5 again.and becoz of this game,i knew some guys from that grp and they know me also,super sociable.this game is the bursting of balloons.if you lose in SCISSORS PAPER STONE,you have to burst your own balloons and you only have 2 chances.i played the games with my eyes closed,coz if i lose i have to burst the balloons!omg,i was really very nervous.IN THE END,HAHA!,I WON!survivor~then the whole of MAYANS 5 was like,WOW LUCKY GIRL SIA! INCANS 5?THEY CHEERED FOR ME LAH!HAHA!then the next few games was team work again,which was really fun.then whole thing ends at 6plus.slept thru out the journey at the bus,its tiring but its damn fun! OH BTW,our grp have this NORMALLY inside joke,freaking funnnnnnnnny!i love this man.

DAY 3:THE CELEBRATION OF THE VICTORIOUS.

we stayed in the convention centre from 1030 to 530,damn zai.the performance was AWESOME,seriously AWESOME.thought the grps prepared for 2 nights only,but they did very well,making me laugh non stop,SERIOUSLY NON STOP.its funny man,esp the FAUZI KING.kao this guy,VERY GOOOOD.from business studies.the 2011 BAOC host.HAHA!then tea break.Anton & eric,another zai kias.squeezed thru the crowds and get food for us.and not only one plate,but its 7 plates FULL OF FOOD. we enjoyed that tea break man~HAHA!then we went in the hall again.HAHA.AWESOME PPL WON ! jeremy have to wax his armit and leg hair.DAMN ZAI.HAHA!toook photo with everyone there.but after photo taking,wenzhen yuenfang yushan and april ALL GONE!left me and the guys.then i called them,YO BABY WHERE ARE YOU? all the replies was,I WENT HOME ALREADY,SORRY AR. -.- we already said we gonna have dinnnnner tgt...~ nvm,i have atiqha,my SC with me! went to wait for the bus.joshua and kenneth super di siao.my poly life first scandal starts then.the guy is from MAYANS 5,i knew him from the first game.he also super hilarious. 'your fren name is april?then her sister is june?' walao i keep laughing lah.seriously fuuunnnnnnnnny!he and another M5 joined us for dinner at MACS.sat tgt with the SC-s.wow,they also gossip de leh,dont play play.so me and anton joined them.HAHA!then everybody come tgt and chit chat,damn loudly.AWESOME.still got ppl doing forfeit there.damn coooool.went to take bus at 8plus. walked past one train track. my scandal-guy said that the train is go m'sia,and everybody was like 'wth?malaysia?thats mrt lah!spore mrt!'then he insisted its to msia then he say,'ok,i'll go and take that one day and prove you all wrong.the train still can come back to spore one right?' HAHAHAHA!JOKER MAN! then took 74 home.becoz of joshua,we decided not to stop at marymount and take with him to ang mo kio.ZAI OK~joshua,my scandal-guy and wilson dropped at ang mo kio hub.left me anton gabriel and hui jian.huijian dropped off next,so left the 3 of us.start chatttttttttttting~then took mrt home,saw ORLENA! then punggol,took 3 and went home sweet home.

HAVEN END YET! after i bathed,incans 5 start chatting on msn.all of them super funnnny!esp edwin and josh.&&&&&& they start to di siao me and my scandal-guy again.KENNETH,GABRIEL AND JOSHUA LAH!gonna revenge when skool starts!and they damn horny,wtf.HAHA!coz we having outing,and its already 2am,they said,FIRST ONE OUT WILL TREAT OUTING. WTF!bo bian lor,have to tolerate...but for 30mins only.AHAHA!went to bed,SLEEEEP!

AWESOME,this post is so long.HAHA!oh,and you may wonder why i keep saying awesome.becoz of darren lah!he influenced the whole INCANS 5 man!AWESOME.AHAHA!this grp is damn zai,LOVE THEM!

ps; chatting with them at msn since three to now, 8.wakao,unstoppable man.continue with photos tmr(: